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Showing posts with label Confessions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Confessions. Show all posts

A message of love

8 comments
I am so lazy guys nai? sometimes I am so lazy that I myself am surprised ke MY GOD, how lazy can i be...

EVIL M: is par awards bante hain America may... * laziest kamina award* char pade huwe hai tv ke upar... gadha..


(Rolls eyes) hmm to what I was saying ke… I had been reading one of my old posts...


EVIL M: Ahaha (Enter old 70's style saas blaming bahu voice) karam jali ke karname to dekho... dusroon ke blog nahi padta... khud ke blog post bar bar padte rehta hai... stupid..


Haan dey galiyan de... pura haq hai tujhe...


EVIL M: galiyan nahi... bum pay char laat padegi na... tabhi.. tabhi pata chalega tujhe... kaash arpit or suruchi kahin ass pass hote... itne lagwata tujhe... itne lagwate na... hmph


EVIL M naraz hai... kya aap log bhi naraz ho? (Gum naam hai koi song plays in the background because of all the sanaata as people are nowhere to be found) mere khayal say ho...


The reason for the blog post is solely you guys... every one of you reader out there... I read the Bangalore kid post... and I read the comments and I felt so good... reading all your comments it made me smile so much...


Yes I am busy... yes I don’t have time to even pee sometimes...


EVIL M: Kuch chahiye kya... not peeing problem solve karne ke liye? jaise ki... he he *evil laugh*... diaper mangwadun adult wale.. size 'S' :P ha ha ha... I am laughing so much..




EVIL nai sudharega... I have no time... but I so wanna write. I did some amazing things ... and amazing things happened to me... like I was caught by the police one time and also where I was thrown into a 40 feet deep water hole even when I said to a guy that I donno swimming... and those incidents are true... unlike the other fancy ones i mention sometimes... and I so wanna write... but am not able to find time.. I will write... I am making a promise now... that I will write about all those times... :)

Any way this is just a update to tell you.. I miss you guys and yeah I am alive... I miss all you guys who read my blog and love me so much... I love you all for coming here.. reading whatever I put out (EVIL M: which is mostly crap :P) and loving me so much..

It felt really great to read those comments... I read them at least 10 times ... so guys thank you so much... you guys always make me smile with your comments... :)




I will be back soon... promise :)... this time real promise... not the promise tooth paste wala promise... (Is that toothpaste even in production rgt now ?:P)

LOVE U :)

Transition towwards hope

23 comments
First of all thank you so much for the support you guys gave me in the last post, i was so so so happy to see your guys comments, it was the highlight of my holidays this year :)... EVIL M too sends his regards, i think he cried a lil bit :P
(EVIL M: that's a lie, it was you remember)
anyways he wont admit it :)

I'm thinking about writing some serious stuff(It'll come soon), so dint write anything from the past two weeks, but i want to share something with you guys...

When i broke up with my girlfriend, something happened inside of me, it was like a feeling i can never put in words, it was a hard time getting over her, still not am....

But during that period of time when i broke up.... the poet inside of me, wanted to talk, i know it sounds funny, but the way those emotions came out I'm surprised myself.... so i just wanted to share this poem with you...



In the infinities of beyond, I lay unabashed
Believing in a worth no other man believed.
In this permanence of solitude, i found this self,
Resonating me, but none like any



In search of respite, i travel along unfollowed paths,
Where every step taken forward, pulls me back
towards a halo which i once loved to live in



Now that cloud of comfort, has rained, nothing left
it floats away
i look towards the sun for a new beginning. Still,
in love with the yesterday's sunset
.


You might find it funny when i say this, i am the one who wrote that poem, but couple of lines in that poem i've never been able to decode.. but i want to find out, what it says, what made me write those lines,... i wanna know, so if you guys come up with something, it would be a great help for me.... :)

well thats for today... i'll be back next week :).... have an eventful week ahead :)... take care

The breakthrough

19 comments

The sun was fading that Sunday evening to become a distant memory, eventually to give birth to a new one, when he entered into my room (without knocking. Again...) as I was typing out a blog post on my computer

“Hi” announced Sam in the saddest manner possible. Even ‘Ross’ of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S series would be jealous of his sad hi,

I looked up and said “Wassup? Why the sad face?”

“Nothing, it’s the weekend and I got nothing fun to do...” he announced and flung himself into the bed.

He then randomly scanned the room and found a pack of chips lying somewhere, he dug into them and munching them called out “Hey these are good, when did you get them?”

“Last week…” I said “Now don’t disturb me, I am doing important work here…”

“Yeah right” he said sarcastically, and then started scanning the room again.

I don’t understand this trait of guys, whenever they are sad or down, they get hungry, and eat anything around them which is edible (or not edible for that matter ;))

He found a cap with a slogan ‘PHOTO MARATHON 2010. JAYCIANA’ stamped on it.

(JAYCIANA is a yearly fest held by Jayachamraja College of engineering, it holds a number of events and entry is free for all)


“Wow... when did you start modeling” he asked me

“No I dint, why do you ask?” I said

“Well it was time they hired goofy looking models like you, so I thought you finally found your break into the ‘glam’ world. You can give serious competition to the zoozoo’s you know…” he said and smiled

I sneered and turned towards my computer screen and then he said “Pity the JAYCIANA is over or we could have gone to see some of the events held there”

“It’s not over, there is one final event” I said “Rock band Parikrama are performing today”

He jumped out of the bed and said “I thought you just act stupid, but now I really know that you are one”

‘‘Oops. The secret is out’’ replied EVIL M

I turned back and asked angrily “How am I STUPID?”

“Then what dude, there is a live rock concert which is free to attend and you are sitting here! God….Why?” he said

“I don’t know how to ride a bike, and the event will get over at 11 pm, there are no buses at that time. How was I supposed to get back? So I thought of skipping it...”

“You have me now” he said “Sam Rossi. The twin brother of valentino rossi, who got separated in the kumbh mela last year.” He said winking “So move your ass now will you?, we got a rock concert to attend to”


I was shocked, shell shocked. Sam saying ‘Let’s go to a rock concert’ I couldn’t believe my ears. The guy who hates English music, curses me when I listen to it, gives fake vomit like gestures. That guy saying those lines. I asked him “You are not drunk right?”

He smiled and said “No I am not, let’s go”

“But I thought you were not into this ‘Rock-concert’ stuff!!” I replied

“I am not, but I have visited some concerts of Sonu nigam and Udit narayan, and they are always fun, and even if I don’t understand what they sing, there are always girls right, so it’s a win-win for both of us what say?” he said and winked at me.

I couldn’t believe it, but agreed right away. I shut off the computer, and got ready.

We borrowed my other brother’s bike and were going along the highway, when Sam looking at a food mall said “Wish I could grab a bottle of beer…”

“Oh here goes…” I said “You say that every time we pass by this mall, I don’t drink beer or alcohol Sam, so just skip it”

“Beer is not alcohol, and anyways they have non alcoholic beer too” he said

“Really?” I asked

“Yeah, so can we buy them this time?” he asked expectantly



I pondered ‘Non.Alcoholic.Beer hmm that means we won’t get drunk and lose our thinking power’. “Duh” said EVIL M.

I agreed and we went into the shop


Looking around the food section I was nervous, this was the first time I was entering into a wine section, I dint knew what to do, how to approach the bottles. But I gathered courage, and just as I was about to pick up the bottles, one of them slipped and I barely caught it and then quickly replaced it on the counter.

“God, it’s not radioactive” said EVIL M “Chill dude”

“Well I am nervous” I said sweating “This is my first time” I said

‘You sound like a virgin…” said EVIL M laughing ‘which you are at this stuff, so lemme guide you’

He continued “Take a couple of bottles and put them into your pocket and then go to the counter and get them billed and stop sweating like a pig”



I listened to him and said to myself ‘yeah I can do this, I can do this, it’s even non alcoholic, so we won’t feel drunk and I am not stealing, yes I can do it’ I said and did what EVIL M said.

It went off smooth and I came holding those 2 babies on my shoulders like a proud father. Sam smiled too and said “I can’t believe we are getting drunk tonight”

“They are non alcoholic” I reminded him

We looked for a place beside and drank them in front of the store itself. The watchman was eyeing us in a look that said ‘Spoilt kids of Rich parents’. I wanted to correct him by saying ‘Middle class parents’ kids, trying to get spoilt. The non alcoholic way’ I raised the bottle towards him, he gave a fake laugh and turned away.


The beer dint taste half bad, how would I know, it was my first time. So after finishing them we left the bottles beside the dustbin just like any self conscious Indian would do ;). And then we got on the bike.

Sam was riding the bike and he asked “Do I smell like beer, I don’t want bhaiya to know about it!!”

“We are gonna reach home after, like 4 hours, you will smell like many other things till that time, so don’t worry” I said smiling

But even though I kept my cool, I was getting worried and many questions were popping in my head, will I enter a trance?, will I smell bad?, will I throw up? But I somehow held up.

In between Sam was asking me questions. Just one question actually “Do I look drunk?, do I look drunk, do I look drunk”

EVIL M getting annoyed said “Somebody please give me alcohol. I wanna get drunk”



I smiled and replied him no, but all the way Sam was asking me, and at one point I think I heard EVIL M throwing up in my mind. I asked him why and he said “His questions are making me nauseous”


We reached the place and after like hundred sound checks it started at around 8 o clock. But it was worth it. Standing there doing my favorite hobby (Head banging ;)) I was experiencing bliss, I looked at Sam and to my surprise he too was enjoying (more than me ;)). We were jumping of random people’s shoulders, stamping on others feet and screaming so hard that our throats hurt.

We were doing all kinds of dances, the nagin dance, the bunnies on weed dance, sanni paji’s dhai kilo hath wala dance. You name it we danced like it ;)

Looking at us EVIL M said “I would have been so proud, if you were drunk right now…”


The bass guitarist had this crazy hair, and was acting like an AC/DC front man with army stances and all. It was so fun.

I think I had tears in my eyes, because this was a first time I was attending a rock concert and I would have missed it if not for Sam. At the end of the program I had a huge smile on my face.

EVIL M noticing this said “I know the reason for that smile”

“Oh, Yeah what is it?” I asked

“You just lost your virginity” he said smiling

“What?” I exclaimed

“Yeah…You are not a concert virgin anymore” he said and winked at me

I replied in my most used quote towards him “EVIL M, you truly are evil”


And yeah I passed in my 1st semester with a staggering 68.2 percent…:) i might have won a gold medal too :). not sure because i share the same marks with another girl. So In advance i am thanking you all. and oh oh, pray for the my internals that get started tomorrow(I know zilch about the subject :P) it would be a great help :)


Take care guys c ya soon :)


The Tag Monster

17 comments
Hey guys, 2 weeks later, and the dude is back… hope you liked my story on the other blog (I just saw 3 comments though) anyways…… that’s for another day…. This week there will be no blabbering about how the week went by. I will just be talking about your favorite topic. ME ;)

Remya tagged me, and it’s been a year almost(9 months is a year rgt? :P) since I took a tag. And I kinda like the challenge this tag posed, so I took it up. Have fun

50 random things about me.


1: I am the sweetest (my mom and dad and my girl will vouch for that :))
2: I am an awesome bathroom singer (My brothers will vouch for that :))
3: Music is the one thing I am most addicted to.
4: If I have a headache, I listen to some heavy metal songs and it goes away. :)
5: I don’t drink any beverages, Tea, coffee, milk, beer, bournvita, horlicks. No nothing
6: If I drink tea I get a headache :P
7: I wanna learn Spanish. So that I can brag about it, and also because it’s so sexy
8: I hate travelling. But if it’s a train ride. Then yeehaw baby :)
9: I am very caring. If I trust you I would be ready even to give my life. But don’t ask for any money today, cause I’m broke ;) (And that’s the only answer you will get every time you ask me ;))
10: I am the best air drummer and air guitarist in the world.
11: I hate it when someone ignores me
12: I am scared of cockroaches :P
13: I love long hair.
14: I love to think about stories I am gonna write (There are currently 26 finding its way for an ending)
15: I love learning about new things(Correction: Exciting new things), talk about politics and law, and I would be like “English dude….”
16: I am allergic to shrimps. If I eat them the only place you gonna find me is the kitchen sink ;)
17: I like watching tamil movies, because they have slow motion(sky flying) fight sequences (Who needs star wars :P)
18: I love to take long walks.
19: I am very stingy :P
20: I have a thing for strange music band names.Bullet for my valentine, Zebrahead, Theory of a deadman, Cobra starship, Wolfmother. If it’s strange, it’s on my playlist :)
21: I love taking photographs.
22: I like being called an idiot (Maybe it’s the 3 idiots effect ;))
23: My mind is like a huge think tank. (It’s not larger in size though :P) Right now there are more than 220 thoughts going on in mind.
24: I am live in the moment kinda person. If you take me to a bridge and say jump, I would say You first ;)
25: I am very very lazy.
26: I hate to take baths.
27: I donno how to ride a bike :P
26: I keep a constant tab about fashion happenings.
28: I am addicted to reading blogs.
29: There are many persons in the blog world who I genuinely care about (No names though, I don’t want a fight ;))
30: I love listening to sad songs.
31: Poetry flows out of me if I am very emotional.
32: I don’t write stuff just for the heck of it. I feel whatever I write.
33: I wanna make a career in advertising.
34: I love making someone angry and then consoling them :)
35: If I make a mistake I am ready to accept.
36: My life is like a FM station, I associate every moment of my life with a song :)
37: I am the typical guy, who likes music, games, girls and all that stuff except one exception. I like watching desperate housewives :P
38: I hate myself because I am very caring, because of which I end up getting hurt every time.
39: If I see a music video or film which is crap. I think of my own ways by which I can make it awesome.
40. I doze off every time I enter my classroom. Sometimes so much that I fall down from my seat :P
41: I have a deep dark secret. Which I cannot share with anyone.
42: If I find some noteworthy quality in someone. I praise and appreciate him/her. Even though the person is my sworn enemy.
43: If I see a guy wearing purple Shirt/T-shirt. I think he is gay :P
44: If you wanna make me happy, just get me a pizza with some cheese cake and baskin robbins ice cream, and you will get the biggest smile you will ever see in your whole life.
45: I am a (junk) foodie (I guess you already knew that ;))
46: I competed in fancy dress competitions when I was a kid, and won every time. When I asked a reason my mom always said “It’s your face baby” :P
47: I love talking long hours on the phone.
48: I am feeling proud (I have absolutely no reason why :P)
49: I am my favorite ;)
50: I am awesome :P

Hope this torture was a worthy one for you…...


Thank you all for bearing with me. See ya next time for some more fun and frolic (EVIL M fun that is ;))

Take care have an awesome week ahead :).


Of Bumps, Baths and Lots of care :)

14 comments
“You have a surprise!!!” announced my classmates….

It was the last day of the WAR (Read: Exams) which we had been fighting for the whole last month…. I and all my classmates were huddled together in the lobby of our dept when they announced the surprise…. I was indeed surprised… my b’day was over and it had been over 15 dayz…., so I was thinking, or should I say EVIL M was thinking “What could it be?”, I raced the horses of my mind but I couldn’t think of anything….

“Maybe they are gonna kick your ass…..” sniggered Evil M with a evil laugh, I shushed him in my mind and asked them.. “What’s the surprise?”…
“You will know soon enough…” they said and almost all had an evil grin on their faces, I silently shuddered remembering EVIL M’s comment.

I sat down and while talking to a couple of frenz, got to know that it was a b’day of my classmate ‘O.R’ I wished him and later got to know that just 2 days back was the birthday of another one of my class mate ‘P’.
I checked my mobile calendar and saw that there were 4 more b’day’s coming up this month, EVIL M laughed and said “Your pocket money is doomed for this month dude….” I shushed him again, and went to join my frenz in thinking about how are they gonna celebrate the b’day, I handed over the money needed to bring the cake… they turned towards me and said, “No need for the money from you pal”,
I was surprised, these guys at the slightest moment when I say ‘let me buy you something’ hound me like a bunch of blood thirsty vultures, and suddenly today they were saying ‘NO NEED FOR YOUR MONEY’
I thought “Something is fishy here”.
“No Doubt about that, I can feel it, you ass is gonna be kicked baby, wohooo” added EVIL M.
“How on earth are those two things linked” I asked
“You will know. He he. Soon….” He said and smiled an evil laugh.

Some guys went to bring the cake, and I while talking to my friends announced a secret which I was dying to announce from the last week (Girls need not worry…… I am not engaged ;))
I said “I am going to Bangalore to spend a week with my best friend chavan”
“But we don’t have any holidays, class starts after 2 days for the next Sem” said Maddy
“Yeah I know, but just after exams I am not gonna come to college so soon, damn them if they don’t give holidays… I will take a leave of my own”
“What leave…” asked Maddy.
“V.L……Voluntary Leave” I said with a smile…

After the cake came, we all gathered together to have a look at it, and when they opened it, it was indeed a surprise, there were 3 names on the cake, ‘O.R’, ’P’, and my own..
I looked at them and they said “We dint get to celebrate your b’day… and most of us forgot your b’day so to make up for it, we are gonna celebrate all 3 of your guyz b’day today”
EVIL M smiling an evil smile said “Recession can cut short a lot of things, thank god they dint get you a tissue paper with just your name on it”, I sighed and said “You truly are evil…”
“Thank you so much for the compliment” came the sharp reply.

Cake was cut by the three of us and I thanked all of them for the celebration, this year’s b’day had turned out to be the most memorable event in my life, I thanked god, and then saw others as they were giving b’day bumps to ‘O.R’ I smiled while they kicked his ass to their hearts content, then they caught hold of ‘P’ and kicked his ass too…looking at them I was laughing so much that I was almost crying, and then I saw them coming towards me. It was too late till I realized what was going to happen next
I asked EVIL M “Are they gonna kick my ass next?”
“BINGO” he said and gave the most evil laugh I had ever heard…


I had never got my ass kicked earlier, I had almost never been in a fight my whole life, So I tried to run but paddy and maddy caught hold of me and all the others started kicking, my god, I was lost…..lost in pain, while looking at others I had thought they kick slowly, but these were mean blows that were raining on my ass, after 3 whole minutes they let me go, to kick some random ass again.
I slowly got up and wonder of wonders, there was no pain, because I couldn’t feel my ass at all :P

I was walking slowly like had suddenly gained a hundred pounds till I reached canteen and began talking on my Bangalore plan,
Maddy said, “You said to me na yaar, you have almost never travelled alone, how are you gonna reach his place?”
I said “That was earlier, but now I got no fears, coming to mysore has made me brave”, truth was my friend R.V.D had said so many horror stories about Bangalore, one was where he was robbed in his own home in broad daylight, and another which included his mobile getting stolen more than 5 times, was the reason I was a lil thoughtful for the trip.
“So you are a big boy now….” mocked maddy
“Sure my mom doesn’t let me grown long hair or act like a punk, but yeah I guess I am a big boy now” I said and all smiled.

I reached chavan’s home with no problems, and chavan welcomed me with open arms
Lemme explain a lil about him, he works for a Microsoft certified company, works at a night shift and lives with a roommate, and has 24/7 power with unlimited internet with a kitchen looked after by a neighbor.
Days were going good, no one to answer to, no one saying ‘wash your socks’, eating when I want, sleeping when I want, internet anytime, “This is life” I said to myself
“Indeed” agreed EVIL M

After 3 days chavan suspiciously came towards me and asked me “After you came here you haven’t bathed, have you?”
“Lie Lie” screamed EVIL M, but I dared to say the truth, “No I haven’t” I said
“My god…... why?... There is hot water any time you want, then why haven’t you” he questioned
I coolly sat back in the chair and said “Well I am doing my bit in saving the environment”
“Saving the environment… how?” he asked in disbelief
I sighed and replied with my well rehearsed answer “See I bath mostly twice a week, I don’t wanna waste water, because water is a very precious commodity, I don’t regularly bath like you even if I am clean. You know how much water I save by not bathing……..”
He looked at me with disbelief in his eyes and roared “Not in my room you dont… go now and take one”
“Hmmm only for you my dear chavi… I will take one” I said and went to the bathroom, but as I lathered my hands with soap suddenly they turned all red and began to itch badly.



“See.. see this is what happens if you try to be too good” said EVIL M, “Yeah…I guess” I agreed.
“No more being Mr nice guy from now on, stick to your earlier plans about bathing twice a week and you will be just fine” said M. I said “Yes sir” and saluted him, and he gave his signature evil smile, I then searched for another soap and completed the painful human ritual. When I came out, chavan was smiling at me like a proud father :P.

That same night he left for the job and I came online, I then saw the time was 10.30 and went into the neighbors kitchen to get myself dinner, to my shock I saw it was locked, I went back into the room and saw chavan was online I told him about the dinner problem and he said to wait till 11.00 because the aunt who lives next door usually after finishing her work comes back at that time. I waited till 11.15 but no one was there, I said this to chavan, he called me and said, “I am in office, these people won’t let me go anywhere, and at this time of the night there won’t be any shops open too, still I will try to get you something”
I smiled and replied “No need Chavi….. Nothing’s gonna happen if I go hungry for one night, don’t worry about it”
“Hmmm ok” he said and cut off the phone…
It was almost 11.45 when he called me back again and said “Come quickly towards the gate”
I dint understand anything but quickly ran towards the gate, he handed me a parcel and said “Bon appetite”
I was shocked, shell shocked…. None of my frenz had ever done anything like that for me, I cried… I don’t know why….. but I cried, I went back into the room and opened it to find veg biryani, tears were flowing and I couldn’t stop them, the biryani was spicy as hell, but I was feeling so happy at that point, that it dint matter.

Even if he couldn’t go out of his office, at that time of the night he somehow had got me a biryani, I mostly couldn’t eat it because I was crying silently, I just couldn’t believe my luck, just last month there was so much happiness that had come through my b’day gifts and now this, I dint expect this much, I mean I cannot explain in words how it felt at that moment, it wasn’t just because he brought me food, it was because he cared so much about me that he dint want me to go hungry, even for one time. The moment was so special for me, that till the last second in my life, whenever I will have a sad day, I will remember it, I will cherish it. Alwayz


“You are blessed my friend, take care of him every moment that you be with him” said EVIL M, and that’s what I did till I was there, I talked so much that I shared moments which I have never shared with anybody and I ended up saying about a incident when I was in my 6th standard, when a girl had kicked me in the groin because I had refused to give her my pencil….I remember once when we started talking at 9 in the night which continued to almost 3 in the morning.

I tell you even if I dint do much in the week as I mostly stayed in the room itself, those seven days were beautiful, very very beautiful, for all the memories I made, for all the secrets I shared, I got to know him better, and I got to know more about myself than I knew before… it was a sort of awakening where I got to know, world is a special place and if you meet the right persons, your life can be heaven, you don’t need to die to find one :P.

The last day when I was to leave to mysore, while I was getting down at the bus stop from his bike chavan said “I wish you would stay for another week” and I guess you can know how I felt at that point.

“Heaven” exclaimed EVIL M, and I just smiled a really huge smile. Ear 2 Ear :D

P.S: Jasmine I am so sorry I dint mention about your phone call on my b’day. It was great to hear your voice that day (She lives in Assam), I forgot to mention it sorry, I can always sometimes be a dumbo, and yes you are the best friend in my life and you always will be. Now smile :)

P.P.S: Thank you so much for the care and concern Remya and QM, you know the reason why…. :) Thx once again.

Take care you guyz, see you next time……..

100 "Fabricated" Truths ;)

17 comments


Well i looked back at all my posts from the start, and there hasn't been a tag which could help you know me better, So i decided to face the truth, and took up the "Sach Ka Samna" kinda quiz which i stole from some plce :D, So here goes.....


1. Last beverage: Pomegranate juice(And it tasted like tonic, yuck)
2. Last phone call: Vodafone customer care(I hate them as much as you do)
3. Last text message: Again customer care, I tell you these guys should be shot, drowned and quartered.
4. Last song you listened to: Kanye west-Heartless (Awesome song that)
5. Last time you cried: I cry when I get sad, to answer the question, It’s been a week, I guess….

HAVE YOU EVER...
6. Dated someone twice: Recession is going on, So No.
7. Been cheated on? Yeah, my friend stole 2 rupees from me and he is still hiding........
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? No......
9. Lost someone special? Yeah when my frog Sammie was kidnapped......
10. Been depressed? I have lost count of that......
11. Been drunk and threw up? Never have, Never will….

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Black
13. Red
14. White
15. Black again :P

FIRSTS:
16. Made new friends: In virtual life yes :), In real life No :(
17. Fallen out of love: Not exactly, I donno, Maybe
18. Laughed until you cried: Many many times, most of the times watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S(its an awesome show na??)
19. Met someone who changed you: Yes, Rakhi Sawant. :P
20. Found out who your true friends were: Other than my pet frogs Tammie and Pammie, yeah they are many ;)
21. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah Tammie and Pammie were talking y'day it was so awful, that I cant tell you...........

HAVE YOU
:22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: lemme ask my frenz itself, guys I am ready whats your opinion???? ;)(girls only ok) :P
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Except some of my Blog mates, All
24. How many kids do you want to have: 3 maybe 4, I am not sure yet. ;)
25. Do you have any pets: 2 frogs, A cat, 6 kittens, and uncountable cockroaches......
26. Do you want to change your name: Naaa, A Genius is known by his original name you see ;)
27. What did you do for your last birthday: As it was in coll, had a tanker load of fun, it was the best b’day ever
28. What time did you wake up today: Exactly @ 10:36:42 :D
29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Listening to Songs, while my mom was screaming @ me ;)….
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: The day when my frogs will grow up to be responsible citizens in their community. :P
31. Last time you saw your father: He’s here, watching TV.
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My dreams are so big that I wake up from my sleep everyday, wish my head was a little bigger so that they could fit in, :P
33. Most visited web page: Of course my own, knowthousif.blogspot.com.

Whats your:
34. Name: Thousif Raza
35. Nicknames: Gamer, Music freak, Sweeto, Pagal, Blog addict etc etc
36. Zodiac sign: Capricorn with 2 big horns, beware you non commenter's on my blog :P
37. Male or female or transgender : Definitely Male.
38. Elementary: Sri Rajeshwari Vidyalaya
39. School: Same as above
40. Colleges: Field Marshall K.M Cariappa College
41. Hair color: My fav color Black
42. Long or short: Short an spiky(my hair that is) :D
43. Height: 170cms I guess,
44. Do you have a crush on someone? I think so...
45. Ever been in love? As shaggy sings, what's love gotta do with it?? eh ;)
46. Piercings? If stitches count then yes, 3 :D
47. Tattoos? Lemme check..................... No :P
48. Righty or lefty: Lemme check............ Mouse is in my right hand, so I must be right handed, so righty :P
49. First surgery: None, but I got couple of stitches from my childhood adventures ;),
50. First piercing: When I fell from top of my house gate, I got 3 stitches in the back of my head :D
51. First best friend: Vinod. Best and always will be
52. First sport you loved: Truly Indian on this, Cricket ;)
53. First pet: Cat, couple of Hens were also there I think;)
54. First vacation: Whole of Mysore, Still remember it….
55. First concert: Still to…….
56. First crush: She was the cutest and also 2 years senior when I was in school, Sanchan :P

RIGHT NOW:
57. Eating: My nails :P
58. Drinking: Other than my saliva nothing.......
59. I'm about to: Freak out after answering so many questions
60. Listening to: My mom begging me to take a bath :P
61. Waiting for: Water to Boil, So that I can take a Bath, its been a week you see :P

YOUR FUTURE :
62. Want kids? A whole bunch of em.....
63. Want to get married? I am still having my thoughts on that :D
64. Careers in mind? Journalism, or Photography or Advertising

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
64. Lips or eyes: Eyes
66. Hugs or kisses: Both,
67. Shorter or taller: Medium Is good ;)
68. Older or Younger: Obviously younger yaar
69. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous is always good
70. Nice stomach or nice arms: Both
71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
72. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
73. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker, just like me :D

HAVE YOU EVER:
74. Kissed a stranger: Lemme check the list and tell you........................ Hmmmm No.
75. Lost glasses/contacts: Mujhe char anhke nahi chahiye dekhne ke liye(I dont need four eyes to see), I have two and they work just fine
76. Broken someone's heart: Never have, Never will.
77. Had your own heartbroken: I am still picking up the pieces.........
78. Been arrested: Lemme check and tell.......... hmmm No...........
79. Turned someone down: Maybe yaar, itne sare proposal the(i had so many proposals), I don’t remember :P
80. Cried when someone died: For a month, and I still do sometimes, it was my sister.
81. Liked a friend that is a girl? Hmmm Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
81. Yourself: Yes very much
82. Miracles: Yes, otherwise I wouldn't have passed in my exams you see ;)
83. God: With all my heart.
84. Love at first sight: No, because she may also be a psycho you see.... :P
85. Heaven: yes, and just like Eddie money sings, I got two tickets to paradise, one for me, one for my 2 frogs ;)
86. Santa Claus: Lemme ask and tell..... Santa Claus showed the finger to the guy who prepared this tag :P
87. Kiss on the first date?: Yes, and I would say make it a double please, :D
88. Angels: Yes.. My mother is one of them.
89. Devils: Have got many as my ‘Frenz’ ;)

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: (what was i doing until now then :P)

90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? : Yes, my friend who stole my 2 rupees..........
91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? : Ek hi nahi milti, dusri kahaan se laoo??? (I cant find one itself, where would I find another one????)
92. Wanted to kill someone ever? : That 2 rupees guy….
93. Among you blog mates, who would you like to kiss? : Everyone of them, boys included, because everyone writes so awesomely....... :)
94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? : I have committed one by taking this tag, and I think if not me, you guys will be definitely regretting after reading it.......
95. Wanted to steal your friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? : Stealing is a bad habit, dint your mom tell you not to steal????.

Associate with something you wear:

96. White: Nice to see.
97. Black: My favorite color
98. Pink: Girly, So don’t have anything of that color
99. Red: Another favorite color, I got a real good T-shirt, Fav of all

100. Posting this as 100 Truths? More like hundred fabricated truths :D

For the people who sat through these hundred questions, I worship you literally, for those wondering why I have written Hindi lines in English also, that's because I got couple of international readers too you see, (if you think I am showing off, then you are absolutely right :P)

And i pass the tag to whoever is courageous(Read: Stupid) enough to take it

Hope you had fun, take care cya soon............

Cries of a lonely heart

14 comments
As I sit outside my house staring into a sense of nothingness that has engulfed in my life lately, I cant help but feel nostalgic, the feeling that I am just 150 kilometers away is the only consolation for that, but still being away from your family and your friends can be very hard for a guy who hasn't lived even 20 kilometers apart in his whole life.

As I look beside me towards the sun disappearing into the night, the hue that its leaving beyond is the prefect expression that my heart is feeling right now, it speaks about the emotions that I was once unable to feel, the wind whispers into my ears “You are alone my love, but I will be always be there for you” I just cant help but slip back into memories of how I become a person who I am now.

It was her birthday that day, 28th December 2008 to be exact, and to give her surprise I had written about her on this very blog link. She was so happy after reading it, that she showed it to all her colleagues at work and they said, “you are very lucky to have a brother like him”, but I guess I wasn't lucky enough, because just after 18 days and that too just 2 days after my birthday, I lost the most important thing in my life, my happiness.

You know we say we share everything with our friends which we cannot share with our family, its true but still something’s which we cannot even share with our best friends we share it with our family members, and a sister or a brother are the best persons who understand our pain like none other.

My sister was the only source of happiness in my life, sure we fought everyday and I was jealous when she got more gifts for her birthday than me, but in my heart I always wanted to see her happy, but that wasn't to be as she left for a place where I cannot reach even if I want to, I miss her perking me up when I was down, I miss her stupid jokes which would make me smile, she was the one with whom I shared everything, but now when I want her to sit by my side and listen to my crying heart, she is nowhere to be found. Oh I miss her so much.

4 months back when I came to Mysore, I thought I would be able to forget the pain, how wrong I was.........., even though the pain has eased to a little extent, its still there like a never ending ocean and I guess it always will be, even though the happiness had come back to a little extent with my cousin brother, today that too was gone as he went to work almost 10 thousand kilometers away to a place called Panthnagar near Delhi, I am feeling so numb that the 2 persons who understood me better than myself are not with me, one has gone and even after an eternity will never come back and the other will not be with me for another year, The curse which had gone away for some time has come back and held me back so strong that its hard to breathe now.

The curse named loneliness has come back every time just when happiness had laid its beautiful footsteps into my life, like a soothing wave of cold air that comes just for a minute before an hour of loneliness holds me one more time.

The peacefulness which I found through sleep is now nowhere to be found, I wouldn't have written this, but the pain is so hard that today I had a feeling that, I should just leave writing, it scared me so much that I was crying at that moment, because writing to me is like breathing without which I cannot live for a moment, its like my passions, my ambitions, are all going dead, like a termite the curse is eating me from the inside and when I extend my hands for help they is no one.

I have seen this many times, things like this specifically happens to people who care about others a lot, who bear the pain thinking others might get hurt, who cover their own tears sensing another's pain and comfort them to make them feel better.

You know I never was the person I am now, cause even though I cared, I never felt a person's pain, but my sister's death changed all that, the emotions I felt that day were so intense, that I dint knew I had them in me, I was so depressed that if a moment where I could smile came to me I couldn't, because I felt I was committing some sort of a crime, but my friends in college were a great comfort at that period who helped me to come out of my pain, but after college ended they all went separate ways including me, that's when it went from better to worse cause the memories keep coming back every single day.

I just wish this phase would pass and I would be back to normal, but I think it will just be a dream.

If only i could find someone to share this pain, if only.......... Oh how I wish that dream came true, but I know it never will, because I think the curse will always be there, will always be there....... will always be there........,

Confessions/Love Dissected

15 comments
As I sit back listening to Gavin Rossdale singing his song “Love remains the same”, it feels so good when I hear it, like its soothing my soul, and I want to believe him, that, love will remain the same, but I just can’t, you know why.., cause love doesn’t remain the same, the bitterness which comes into a relationship never fades out, your heart may skip a beat when you see the person you once loved, but it just doesn’t beat like it did, when you first saw the person whom you fell in love with, you feel sorry, not for yourself, but for the person, because the person was just not worth your love.

when she came into my life, my life blossomed into the most beautiful thing ever, which I thought was only possible in dreams, but as time went by the magic disappeared, she started ignoring me, I tried and tried to recreate the magic but to no result, I tried telling myself ‘everything will be all right’, but it seems like, it never will, the dream which I once loved to live in, has shattered into a million pieces, and every piece pierces my heart with a sharpness of a needle, and with the force of an axe, it happens every time I think about her, and just like Gavin sings in the song ‘I am done pretending’, I too am done pretending, I know I gotta move on, which I eventually will, but still, the part which loved her doesn’t want to, why?? I don’t know, I want to find out but I just can’t, I want back the things as they were, but just like a star falling out of the sky, there is just no getting back to..

God it hurts, how I wish love remained the same, maybe I should get the punishment for loving her, maybe this is the punishment, maybe I should just close this chapter of my life and move on, But,

the damn But, doesn’t go out of my life, it just stays back, telling me, it’s your fault, it’s your fault, even when I damn sure know it isn’t, the only crime I did was, I loved her more than what I should have, but is there a limit for loving someone??, that you love this much and that, No Right…and just like that, she became a part of me, its 2 in the night when i write this and not a wink of sleep is in my eye, why?? Because I love her, I hate myself for loving her, but there is just no turning back, why?? Because I love her, I just ask myself 1 Question,

Is loving someone honestly Wrong??, and the only answer I get back is Yes, Yes, Yes it is……… I gave her all the love I had and got none in return, why?? Because I loved her with all my heart in it, I did, and for the crime that I committed, I am suffering, suffering miserably, just like that I am……

They say love has the power to heal any pain, but for me, it has just become a pain which has no medicine for it, if only………, if only I could find a cure, but no I can’t, why?? Because I love her..

And just like Gavin finishes the song, by saying, everything will change, we could last forever, I want to believe him, and in a way I do, why?? Because I still love her…