The post that you are about to read is extremely stinky, airy, and god knows what... so beware... you were WARNED. but if you do dare, you are gonna die laughing ;)... your choice ;)
“Ah....” I opened my mouth aloud as I got up from my afternoon nap... I felt something going around in my stomach. It felt like a train chugging along a mountain path, and I instantly knew I was in trouble. I ran to the bathroom
Me singing in a satisfied(Read:Very bad) tone “I feel good...., I knew that I would now. I feeeeeel..... bad”
Singing again “I feel good.... I knew that I........Oi”
In a sad tone “I feel.... empty”
“Uh.....i think something is wrong with my stomach” I said
“You think” replied EVIL M imitating in Hannah Montana's voice
“I told you, not to eat that thela wala Gobi Manchurian... now suffer you dimwit” said EVIL M
“But my frenz said it was good, and so I thought you were tricking me, because I deleted those Megan Fox pics from the computer”
“I'm still angry for that, and looking at you right now, kinda makes me happy” said EVIL M “but, kinda sad too, because if you continue like this, I wont be able to relish the taste of all those pizzas and chats you eat” he paused to think “and something else that is very important... which I'm forgetting...”
“Girls...” I reminded him.
“Correction...hitting on girls” he said and smiled, “so get ready now, lets go the doctor and get you fixed.”
So I got ready, my god it was like a herculean task. I was completely unsure of my stomach, it was like a time bomb, which could explode any moment.
I was sweating(like every time ;))
“Oh for god's sake, we are not going to kargil war, stop sweating you pig” screamed EVIL M
Ignoring him as always, I got ready and reached the doctor, after examination he said “I think its loose motions” he said with a sad face
“You think?” shouted EVIL M, “What kind of a doctor have you brought yourself to thousif? saala, meri yaha phat rahi hai, and dukh isko ho raha hai....”
I shushed M, getting a weird look from the doctor. I looked at the doctor and asked him
“Whats do you mean by 'I think' doctor?”
“You have severe gastric problem, and your body heat is more than normal, so I'm pretty sure that's what triggering your bowels in the wrong way” he answered.
I then thought of mom who would always say to me to eat at proper time and me being the typical teenager never would. I silently moved down from the examination table holding my stomach like a pregnant woman.
“Slowly lady, you might trip...Tumhare pao bhari hain beti, Sambhalke...” EVIL M sniggered
The doctor prescribed some medicine and then laid out my food plan for the next 3 days...and when I listened to him about what I would eat ....I fainted.
“CURD RICE, Three times a day” he said waking me up.
“Nooooooooo....I wanna strangle the doctor.... let me.. let me” cried EVIL M from my head mentally lunging towards the doctor.
I mentally held him back and said
“No buts, if you wanna be all right. This is what you will eat, with ORS”(Oral rehydration Something :P) he said with a commanding look.
“Nooooooooo....I wanna strangle the doctor.... let me.. let me” cried EVIL M again from my head mentally lunging towards the doctor. Again
I again held him back, and said “Behave yourself”
“What...Did I do something wrong?” the doctor said bewildered.
I waved my hands saying nothing, paid him and then quickly reached home...
I reached home and crashed onto the couch, 2 hours passed by and thankfully, the bathroom dance dint happen
“I think we scared it away when we went to the doctor, I am so smart aint I” said EVIL M
“Yeah, very...” I said
Just then my stomach howled like the were wolf, who desperately wanted to meet his partner.
Run, Run, Run
“Ah.... ahhhh.... my stomach feels like a burst out drum” I said
“Muhahahaha” laughed EVIL M “I'm so enjoying looking at you right now, but its hurting me too, drink some water” he advised
And I drank.... glass pe glass, glass pe glass, and just like Mc dowels wine AD, my bhabi would say “Ek aur ho jaye”
I somehow managed through the evening, When my bhabi came to my room and called me for dinner
I saw my plate, Rice soaked with curds. “Is that what I think it is?” asked EVIL M startled
I nodded, “My god, I didn't knew you would actually put me through this” said EVIL M
“Put you through this. What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I screamed,
“Even though its you who eats, I am the one who has to experience the taste, Why god oh why?” wailed EVIL M.
I put a spoonful of rice into my mouth, it had a (very)sour taste, nothing else... I munched the rice, still no taste... I put in another spoonful, it was more sour than the last one.
“Oh god, someone please give me some poison, at least that would have some tangy taste, I wanna throw up” said EVIL M.
“Oh please stop over acting, its not as bad you assume, and if we have to eat all those chats and pizzas, we have to brave through this, so help me out and think of the most delicious food you can think of, so we can gulp this down” I said and pointed towards the rice.
EVIL M smiled and thought of every tasty food imaginable and the rice was in my stomach in no time, the night passed by without any more encounters, but still the tiger in my stomach was far from tamed.
It growled through the night, and I woke up the next morning half asleep along with fuzzed up hair.
“Ahhhhhhhhh” my bhabi and bhaiya screamed together looking at me early in the morning.
I covered my ears and said “Not, so loud jeez..”
“Thousif, listen to me, you are going to cut that hair first thing today, or else I am gonna cut it myself” my bhaiya barked “and believe me its not gonna be a pretty sight”
I bathed my hair and made it 'look nice', looking at it, my bhabi started joking..
“It looks like a cuckoo's nest”
“Cuckoo doesn't build a nest” I snapped
“Why should it?, when you are building one on your head” she giggled running a hand through my 'nest'
I was getting frustrated. My stomach acting like a hibernating bear at one side, and my hair looking like an abandoned forest on the other. While EVIL M was acting like a school kid who is forbidden from sugar.
All this was driving my nuts. So I finally took matters into my own hands. Which proved as always....Brilliant :)
I finished college then went to my regular barber, and got to know that he was out of town, so I went to the one beside him.
He was a old guy with trembling fingers, so I thought, the only safe hair cut would be a military cut, with a little spiky hair in the front.
I got the same, and was satisfied with the result, not because of the haircut, but because my ears had survived the 'cut'.
I came home had a bath, heard some growling in my stomach, so in the evening, ate the curd rice(again) hearing to the wails of EVIL M(again).
Finishing the dinner and Drinking the only drink I was allowed to. The ORS. The slimy sweet, salty liquid. I put the crying EVIL M and myself to sleep.
At 12.30 in the night I woke up hearing a roaring sound, I looked out at the window, and saw there was no thunderstorm. I was surprised and was thinking where had the sound came from.
I couldn't think half asleep, so I as I was about to go back to sleep. I heard the sound again and came to know it was own stomach.
I powered up my computer and started listening to some (very)sad songs. Half an hour later, I found out my stomach had fallen asleep, so I put off the computer and went to sleep.
I woke up in the morning feeling a little better, and for break fast. I had the rice again. I then asked bhabi “Whats for lunch?”
“Do you want me to answer that?” she asked with a mischievous look in her eyes
I brushed past her and then went to college.
Finishing college, I came back around 3. I went into the kitchen to pour myself some curds, when I smelled a fragrance so rich in taste, that the flood gates in my mouth broke open along with EVIL M, who woke up with a start(he was sleeping the whole day, even in class)
“Whatever it is eat it, I don't care, eat it” he cried
I saw that bhabi had made biryani for lunch, I looked at it. And my eyes were all gold.
Just like a lion sees its juicy prey before a kill, I saw the biryani devouring it with my eyes.
My bhabi came in and said smiling “Stop staring, you dirty boy"
Pulling my eyes out of the biryani, I walked towards my room, sad, when my bhabi called me back and said “howz your stomach now?”
“The tiger is not tamed yet” I said
She smiled “Then have some biryani itself na, maybe that will help. Reverse psychology” she said and brought me half a plate of biryani.
After 3 days of eating just curd rice, and now looking at the heavenly smelling dish, I couldn't take my fingers of it. I finished it in 5 minutes, and was already asking for more.
“Not so soon, its enough for now, have a little more at dinner” she advised
I agreed halfheartedly. And looked at my stomach. It was as quiet as a baby sleeping in the night wearing pampers. The tiger had been tamed.
Night came and I ate some more biryani, and then in the morning I was fit as a fiddle. I was laughing, smiling, dancing and crying, and wonder of wonders this time it was not me. It was EVIL M.
“We braved it, we braved it, we won the war against our enemy” said EVIL M with tear filled eyes
“Yes we did buddy, we won” I said smiling back to him...
The next morning
My bhabi came out of the bathroom looking just like me(the 3 days before wala me ;)) and said “I think something is wrong with my stomach”
I and EVIL M looked at her smiling the most wicked smile ever and said “you will be all right in no time bhabi, no time” we smiled again and said “We will help you through it”
“Nooooooooo” she screamed and what happened next was.... ha ha... ha ha.... “Muhahahaha” ;) I guess you know... :)
Have an awesome week ahead guys. :) take care. And thank you so much for reading completely (If you read completely ;)) Love you all :).