So i've got exams, that is like from 2 days from now.... so i wanna write many many(boring) new things but because i am so busy doing(lazy) things... i'll just stick to posting this poem which i wrote like a month ago... i just got up in the morning one day, took my pen and paper and started writing this poem, one my classmates said, its my best work till date :D, i was so happy... so here i present to you...
The Glories We Conquer
In the wake of the red mist, i open my eyes to see a flood
A flood of friends and foes scattered horrendously welcoming me. Lifeless
A second ago dying to open my eyes
Now only wishing if i were blind
A second ago what was filled with life
All now a proof of nightmares, A nightmare called death
The earth which smiled of a lively green
now only screams in the color of agony
The earth with a promise of warm sunshine
Now spews out a cold stench, reeking of bitterness and hatred
Perplexed, helpless, shocked i see
A sight which was never meant to be
The plants which once seeked water to flourish
Grow now with a taste of someone's life
A slow calm voice rises in my head
My mother teaching me when i was young
Every other man is your brother
I now in the distance see one, taking the life of another
Gathering the strength left in my arms, i stand up to a view of devastation
A moment of history made yesterday
A history no one will ever be proud of
I take a step forward and crush it into a stranger's eyes
The eyes which had dreamed of a son, growing now in his wife's womb
A son who will never see the shine
The shine of his father's green eyes
With another, i step onto a man's hands, breaking them. Forever
Hands which carried his daughter to school everyday, while he was home
Just like that i walk on,
from a warm place, where i took an oath to save every life,
to this wet place now, crushing and destroying dreams and memories
what starts as a walk, turns into a run. A run for my life
Falling into someone's arms which held life once,
to another's who always thought hatred was the answer
I cry now, breathing hard, cause i cant walk but crawl
So i crawl now, exhausted. My strength slipping down a stream of tears
Every movement i make, dragging me into a stench
A stench which seeps deep into my skin
Never to be washed of again
Crying, screaming and with utter despair
I reach the end of the sight
A sight no human should ever see
My mother waits for me in my distant home
Where she has promised me porridge, If i return home safe
Safe. A word me neither the world will ever believe in
Unwillingly and with an herculean attempt i pull myself up
to walk towards a will of mine, to live
A voice inside asking me just one question.................. "for what?"
Well, i know its a lil emotional, but don't be too sad cause i will be back to make u laugh sooooon... wish me that my exams go well, cause i haven't studied much(Read:Zilch :P) so... cya all soon. have a nice month ahead take care :)
First of all thank you so much for the support you guys gave me in the last post, i was so so so happy to see your guys comments, it was the highlight of my holidays this year :)... EVIL M too sends his regards, i think he cried a lil bit :P (EVIL M: that's a lie, it was you remember) anyways he wont admit it :)
I'm thinking about writing some serious stuff(It'll come soon), so dint write anything from the past two weeks, but i want to share something with you guys...
When i broke up with my girlfriend, something happened inside of me, it was like a feeling i can never put in words, it was a hard time getting over her, still not am....
But during that period of time when i broke up.... the poet inside of me, wanted to talk, i know it sounds funny, but the way those emotions came out I'm surprised myself.... so i just wanted to share this poem with you...
In the infinities of beyond, I lay unabashed Believing in a worth no other man believed. In this permanence of solitude, i found this self, Resonating me, but none like any
In search of respite, i travel along unfollowed paths, Where every step taken forward, pulls me back towards a halo which i once loved to live in
Now that cloud of comfort, has rained, nothing left it floats away i look towards the sun for a new beginning. Still, in love with the yesterday's sunset.
You might find it funny when i say this, i am the one who wrote that poem, but couple of lines in that poem i've never been able to decode.. but i want to find out, what it says, what made me write those lines,... i wanna know, so if you guys come up with something, it would be a great help for me.... :)
well thats for today... i'll be back next week :).... have an eventful week ahead :)... take care
The post that you are about to read is extremely stinky, airy, and god knows what... so beware... you were WARNED. but if you do dare, you are gonna die laughing ;)... your choice ;)
“Ah....” I opened my mouth aloud as I got up from my afternoon nap... I felt something going around in my stomach. It felt like a train chugging along a mountain path, and I instantly knew I was in trouble. I ran to the bathroom
Drrr......Brrrr....*Unimaginable sound*
FLUSH..........
Me singing in a satisfied(Read:Very bad) tone “I feel good...., I knew that I would now. I feeeeeel..... bad”
Run... Run...Run.....
Drrr.....Brrrr......*Unimaginable sound*
FLUSH................
Singing again “I feel good.... I knew that I........Oi”
Run.....Run....Run
Drrr.......Brrr....*Unimaginable sound*
FLUSH.................
In a sad tone “I feel.... empty”
“Uh.....i think something is wrong with my stomach” I said
“You think”replied EVIL M imitating in Hannah Montana's voice
“I told you, not to eat that thela wala Gobi Manchurian... now suffer you dimwit” said EVIL M
“But my frenz said it was good, and so I thought you were tricking me, because I deleted those Megan Fox pics from the computer”
“I'm still angry for that, and looking at you right now, kinda makes me happy” said EVIL M “but, kinda sad too, because if you continue like this, I wont be able to relish the taste of all those pizzas and chats you eat” he paused to think “and something else that is very important... which I'm forgetting...”
“Girls...” I reminded him.
“Correction...hitting on girls” he said and smiled, “so get ready now, lets go the doctor and get you fixed.”
So I got ready, my god it was like a herculean task. I was completely unsure of my stomach, it was like a time bomb, which could explode any moment.
I was sweating(like every time ;))
“Oh for god's sake, we are not going to kargil war, stop sweating you pig” screamed EVIL M
Ignoring him as always, I got ready and reached the doctor, after examination he said “I think its loose motions” he said with a sad face
“You think?” shouted EVIL M, “What kind of a doctor have you brought yourself to thousif? saala, meri yaha phat rahi hai, and dukh isko ho raha hai....”
I shushed M, getting a weird look from the doctor. I looked at the doctor and asked him
“Whats do you mean by 'I think' doctor?”
“You have severe gastric problem, and your body heat is more than normal, so I'm pretty sure that's what triggering your bowels in the wrong way” he answered.
I then thought of mom who would always say to me to eat at proper time and me being the typical teenager never would. I silently moved down from the examination table holding my stomach like a pregnant woman.
“Slowly lady, you might trip...Tumhare pao bhari hain beti, Sambhalke...” EVIL M sniggered
The doctor prescribed some medicine and then laid out my food plan for the next 3 days...and when I listened to him about what I would eat ....I fainted.
“CURD RICE, Three times a day” he said waking me up.
“Nooooooooo....I wanna strangle the doctor.... let me.. let me” cried EVIL M from my head mentally lunging towards the doctor.
I mentally held him back and said
“But doc...”
“No buts, if you wanna be all right. This is what you will eat, with ORS”(Oral rehydration Something :P) he said with a commanding look.
“Nooooooooo....I wanna strangle the doctor.... let me.. let me” cried EVIL M again from my head mentally lunging towards the doctor. Again
I again held him back, and said “Behave yourself”
“What...Did I do something wrong?” the doctor said bewildered.
I waved my hands saying nothing, paid him and then quickly reached home...
I reached home and crashed onto the couch, 2 hours passed by and thankfully, the bathroom dance dint happen
“I think we scared it away when we went to the doctor, I am so smart aint I” said EVIL M
“Yeah, very...” I said
Just then my stomach howled like the were wolf, who desperately wanted to meet his partner.
Run, Run, Run
Drrr......Brrrr....*Unimaginable sound*
FLUSH
“Ah.... ahhhh.... my stomach feels like a burst out drum” I said
“Muhahahaha” laughed EVIL M “I'm so enjoying looking at you right now, but its hurting me too, drink some water” he advised
And I drank.... glass pe glass, glass pe glass, and just like Mc dowels wine AD, my bhabi would say “Ek aur ho jaye”
I somehow managed through the evening, When my bhabi came to my room and called me fordinner
I saw my plate, Rice soaked with curds. “Is that what I think it is?” asked EVIL M startled
I nodded, “My god, I didn't knew you would actually put me through this” said EVIL M
“Put you through this. What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I screamed,
“Even though its you who eats, I am the one who has to experience the taste, Why god oh why?” wailed EVIL M.
I put a spoonful of rice into my mouth, it had a (very)sour taste, nothing else... I munched the rice, still no taste... I put in another spoonful, it was more sour than the last one.
“Oh god, someone please give me some poison, at least that would have some tangy taste, I wanna throw up” said EVIL M.
“Oh please stop over acting, its not as bad you assume, and if we have to eat all those chats and pizzas, we have to brave through this, so help me out and think of the most delicious food you can think of, so we can gulp this down” I said and pointed towards the rice.
EVIL M smiled and thought of every tasty food imaginable and the rice was in my stomach in no time, the night passed by without any more encounters, but still the tiger in my stomach was far from tamed.
It growled through the night, and I woke up the next morning half asleep along with fuzzed up hair.
“Ahhhhhhhhh” my bhabi and bhaiya screamed together looking at me early in the morning.
I covered my ears and said “Not, so loud jeez..”
“Thousif, listen to me, you are going to cut that hair first thing today, or else I am gonna cut it myself” my bhaiya barked “and believe me its not gonna be a pretty sight”
I bathed my hair and made it 'look nice', looking at it, my bhabi started joking..
“It looks like a cuckoo's nest”
“Cuckoo doesn't build a nest” I snapped
“Why should it?, when you are building one on your head” she giggled running a hand through my 'nest'
I was getting frustrated. My stomach acting like a hibernating bear at one side, and my hair looking like an abandoned forest on the other. While EVIL M was acting like a school kid who is forbidden from sugar.
All this was driving my nuts. So I finally took matters into my own hands. Which proved as always....Brilliant :)
I finished college then went to my regular barber, and got to know that he was out of town, so I went to the one beside him.
He was a old guy with trembling fingers, so I thought, the only safe hair cut would be a military cut, with a little spiky hair in the front.
I got the same, and was satisfied with the result, not because of the haircut, but because my ears had survived the 'cut'.
I came home had a bath, heard some growling in my stomach, so in the evening, ate the curd rice(again) hearing to the wails of EVIL M(again).
Finishing the dinner and Drinking the only drink I was allowed to. The ORS. The slimy sweet, salty liquid. I put the crying EVIL M and myself to sleep.
At 12.30 in the night I woke up hearing a roaring sound, I looked out at the window, and saw there was no thunderstorm. I was surprised and was thinkingwhere had the sound came from.
I couldn't think half asleep, so I as I was about to go back to sleep. I heard the sound again and came to know it was own stomach.
I powered up my computer and started listening to some (very)sad songs. Half an hour later, I found out my stomach had fallen asleep, so I put off the computer and went to sleep.
I woke up in the morning feeling a little better, and for break fast. I had the rice again. I then asked bhabi “Whats for lunch?”
“Do you want me to answer that?” she asked with a mischievous look in her eyes
I brushed past her and then went to college.
Finishing college, I came back around 3. I went into the kitchen to pour myself some curds, when I smelled a fragrance so rich in taste, that the flood gates in my mouth broke open along with EVIL M, who woke up with a start(he was sleeping the whole day, even in class)
“Whatever it is eat it, I don't care, eat it” he cried
I saw that bhabi had made biryani for lunch, I looked at it. And my eyes were all gold.
Just like a lion sees its juicy prey before a kill, I saw the biryani devouring it with my eyes.
My bhabi came in and said smiling “Stop staring, you dirty boy"
Pulling my eyes out of the biryani, I walked towards my room, sad, when my bhabi called me back and said “howz your stomach now?”
“The tiger is not tamed yet” I said
She smiled “Then have some biryani itself na, maybe that will help. Reverse psychology” she said and brought me half a plate of biryani.
After 3 days of eating just curd rice, and now looking at the heavenly smelling dish, I couldn't take my fingers of it. I finished it in 5 minutes, and was already asking for more.
“Not so soon, its enough for now, have a little more at dinner” she advised
I agreed halfheartedly. And looked at my stomach. It was as quiet as a baby sleeping in the night wearing pampers. The tiger had been tamed.
Night came and I ate some more biryani, and then in the morning I was fit as a fiddle. I was laughing, smiling, dancing and crying, and wonder of wonders this time it was not me. It was EVIL M.
“We braved it, we braved it, we won the war against our enemy” said EVIL M with tear filled eyes
“Yes we did buddy, we won” I said smiling back to him...
The next morning
Drrr...Brrr.....*Unimaginable sound*
FLUSH
My bhabi came out of the bathroom looking just like me(the 3 days before wala me ;)) and said “I think something is wrong with my stomach”
I and EVIL M looked at her smiling the most wicked smile ever and said “you will be all right in no time bhabi, no time” we smiled again and said “We will help you through it”
“Nooooooooo” she screamed and what happened next was.... ha ha... ha ha.... “Muhahahaha” ;) I guess you know... :)
Have an awesome week ahead guys. :) take care. And thank you so much for reading completely (If you read completely ;)) Love you all :).
'World is a place where man is the king and women is never the queen', thats how exactly what a man describes of a woman, and he is true when he says this because when a woman has power to become a king, why should she be a queen???Lemme exactly tell you how a man of this country thinks about a woman.......
Last Monday there was seminar held by our department, in there was a topic, Media and women. A lady named Poornima(She is the news head Of A.I.R in Bengaluru) spoke on this, she spoke about how media sometimes uses some situations like sexual harassment just for their own use, without the least bit concern about the women victims, reporters asking personal questions, questions that are unnecessary and irrelevant... she explained how media can do better, and also questioned that why women just have 33% quota in this country? And they should demand 50% in every aspect... I really liked the way she spoke, because it showed what women's problem's were and how they could be solved.
But one person broke my happy bubble, and it was senior of my college named 'G'(Read:Goofball), in the Q&A session, he said “Women just need not say, but they need to fight for the 50% quota that they demand for themselves”.
I was telling myself, “Thats what the women have been fighting for from the time we got independence, and even that 33% is not given accordingly, and this guy is saying fight for 50%.... WTH”, but I got furious when he said “Its not just women who are harassed, men also get harassed and exploited at work place, and how the dowry act is being misused and how many men are suffering due to this”, and people were clapping listening to this.
I was like what the fuc* are you talking about dude, men getting harassed and exploited!!, yeah maybe they are getting “exploited”, but is it really the case ??, is it more important than the problems, the women of today are facing, from fear of sexual harassment to rape, she lives in fear everyday,
The seminar got over and I was boiling with anger inside, due to some other things I couldn't say the same with the senior,(I dint even wanna see his face), but the real shocker came when I discussed this with my friend Maddy.
He was also the typical man saying, “Men are getting exploited and facing problems due to women, who are misusing the dowry act and blaming, my husband is demanding dowry, and making them face punishment”
I said “Ok that's one, but what are the other problems?”
He was mum, I then said “Do you know every day a woman lives in fear, from her birth to her death there are so many battles she fights and struggles to achieve to make a place for herself in the society, do you know how much pain she endures everyday?, how many sacrifices she has to make?”
He said “But still there are crimes going on men that needs attention too about how much he is suffering...”, I couldn't believe my ears when I heard this,
I replied “Why aren't you looking at the bigger picture here!!, there are more crimes going on women in a single minute, than that are are going on men in a whole year, and is it really more painful for a man to live by than, or for that woman, who gets exploited or harassed every day, and lives her whole life cursing with guilt that she shouldn't have born a women at all!!”
He seemed to understand this and agreed with me, and when I discussed the same with my brother, he to was pro man, and only when I said look at the bigger picture did he too finally understand.
I mean I don't understand, I never heard a man scream, “I got exploited today, I shouldn't have been born as a man itself”, while there is so much agony and pain in a voice of women when she says “I shouldn't have been born a woman”, I just pray that men start looking at the bigger picture than screaming next time “Men are also exploited....”.
Today while i was returning in bus to my home, I saw something, it was so special, it was so beautiful, it was so unique, that for once I thought I had imagined it, I suddenly pinched myself, thats when I believed that it was for real.... lemme tell you what it was.......
It was a laugh of a woman.....
Looking at her laugh suggested that she dint care for the world or for the people around her, she just seemed to live, without the rules or the obligations to bind her, she seemed so happy and carefree, that I was just stunned looking at the beauty of that moment, no rules to hold her back, nothing to stop her, it was so special that words fail me to describe the moment.
But suddenly she stopped, and was looking from side to side, she pulled her veil on her head and sat back like she saw retracting in a shell, like she was thinking what others would think, like unseeing hands were telling her to stop, like unsounding voice giving her a warning, she seemed to abide by the “rules”, the “rules” of the “society”, which say that women should be within a limit, the limit which says she cannot express herself, which says, she is bound by the four walls inside the house, which says, she is a woman.
I was very very frustrated at that moment, thousands of questions played in my head, why I mean why has the world said that women should abide by “rules” made by the “society”. I mean who the fuc* made these so called rules?, why cant a women live as per her will?, when the constitution has given right for man and women alike. Why has the society differentiated saying, man is superior and women inferior?
You had to look the fear in the poor lady's eyes, like she had committed some sort of crime, it was so shameful, I felt so much pain at that moment, when I thought that this is what my mother, my bhabi's, my friends, have to go through everyday, they have to abide by the “rules”, which say you are not free... you are a some what lower species than “men”, which say that you are a Women.
I just cant believe what the world has come to, where a person cant even express oneself???. I mean why cant the world be a place where we just don't give rights but actually feel from our hearts that man and women are one, if you look at it a women does more work than a man in a day, whereas a man comes homes from work and cribs for a work not done, he gets furious for not making him a cup of coffee? And says “what the hell were you doing the whole day?”.
I just wanna say get into the shoes of a women for a day you lousy man and you will know what she does....but sadly no matter what, how much ever the “society” moves forward it will be the freaking same, it will still say women should be in a limit, that they are slaves and always should be. Thats what I hate, I hate this male dominated society, where a women has to live in fear every day.
A change is needed, where a man and women will be one, where the “society” wont be there to tell what a women should do and what shouldn't be done, where she will live whole heartedly and not just because she has to live by the “rules”, but where she can laugh when she wants to and cry when she want. But......
But, I think this cruel “society” will never abide by that, by either taunting or by restricting it will always hold her back, and even if she breaks free, it will force its so called rules and hold back this free spirit called women, because it knows, it knows that a women is far more stronger and far more powerful than a man.
Its only time till every women understands this and stands up for herself, and when that day comes, men will fear, they will fear just like that women feared to laugh, they too will be bound by the unseeing hands and unsounding voice. I just hope that day comes, and I pray with god that let it come soon so that everyone learns a lesson which they are supposed to learn.......
Would you hurt the one you love?, would you abuse the one you love?, would you force your love on the one you love?
These were the exact questions that came in my mind when a friend of mine went through all the above situations, I felt so angry that if I was there I think an unexplainable crime would have been committed by me on that day,
You know I am always a believer that when you love someone, its should be mutual, you shouldn't force your love, you shouldn't hurt that person, how can a feeling like abusing or hurting can even come to one's mind, when you love the person, its some sickos who tell they love but don't really know the real meaning who do something like this, which has led to the term love get tainted.
But for persons like the above who abuse, they are like maniacs who just need love for all the wrong reasons, they say they love you but don't really mean it, they threaten you if you don't accept their love, they think the person will get scared and will accept their so called love, finally when the person cant take more of that abuse or hurting he or she goes to take the final step and commits suicide, and then what happens??, the other person too pops some pills and dies, to prove that the person's love was true, I ask you is that love?????
I am no preacher, but lemme put it in a nutshell, love is about finding happiness, is int it?, So if a person doesn't accept your love, cant you find happiness in things which he or she finds in their life?, cant you be happy for your loved one's happiness?. As everyone says, true love is about sacrificing, you sacrifice yourself for the person you love, but here some of the freaks just sacrifice the person itself, I mean what the hell ya?????,
For all the persons who think forcing your love upon another will get you ways, here is a newsflash, No you sick minded freak, you are not getting anywhere, trust me he or she will just hate you more, so bring a little sense in your nonsensical brain and go my blogger friend keshi's way of life, find love in yourself, rather than finding it another and try to be happy in another's happiness, give an take is the old saying, give and give is the new mantra.....
This was a the hate post as you all can say, for all the maniacs out there who think forcing or abusing or hurting the person you love will get love in return, lemme tell you one more time, NO the only thing you will get is pain, desperation and police lathi's on your asses thats it,
The same can be said about the persons who are so In love that they hurt themselves who think that by bearing pain they can “prove” their love to another, I don't understand, how does does hurting or getting hurt mean love at all????, is is really love????
I am no judge but I just wanna say, try being a little mature and just love with all your heart and you can be damn sure that the person sooner or later will see for what you are and will accept your love for sure. Try it, it will really bring happiness to both of you rather than pain.
As I sit outside my house staring into a sense of nothingness that has engulfed in my life lately, I cant help but feel nostalgic, the feeling that I am just 150 kilometers away is the only consolation for that, but still being away from your family and your friends can be very hard for a guy who hasn't lived even 20 kilometers apart in his whole life.
As I look beside me towards the sun disappearing into the night, the hue that its leaving beyond is the prefect expression that my heart is feeling right now, it speaks about the emotions that I was once unable to feel, the wind whispers into my ears “You are alone my love, but I will be always be there for you” I just cant help but slip back into memories of how I become a person who I am now.
It was her birthday that day, 28th December 2008 to be exact, and to give her surprise I had written about her on this very blog link. She was so happy after reading it, that she showed it to all her colleagues at work and they said, “you are very lucky to have a brother like him”, but I guess I wasn't lucky enough, because just after 18 days and that too just 2 days after my birthday, I lost the most important thing in my life, my happiness.
You know we say we share everything with our friends which we cannot share with our family, its true but still something’s which we cannot even share with our best friends we share it with our family members, and a sister or a brother are the best persons who understand our pain like none other.
My sister was the only source of happiness in my life, sure we fought everyday and I was jealous when she got more gifts for her birthday than me, but in my heart I always wanted to see her happy, but that wasn't to be as she left for a place where I cannot reach even if I want to, I miss her perking me up when I was down, I miss her stupid jokes which would make me smile, she was the one with whom I shared everything, but now when I want her to sit by my side and listen to my crying heart, she is nowhere to be found. Oh I miss her so much.
4 months back when I came to Mysore, I thought I would be able to forget the pain, how wrong I was.........., even though the pain has eased to a little extent, its still there like a never ending ocean and I guess it always will be, even though the happiness had come back to a little extent with my cousin brother, today that too was gone as he went to work almost 10 thousand kilometers away to a place called Panthnagar near Delhi, I am feeling so numb that the 2 persons who understood me better than myself are not with me, one has gone and even after an eternity will never come back and the other will not be with me for another year, The curse which had gone away for some time has come back and held me back so strong that its hard to breathe now.
The curse named loneliness has come back every time just when happiness had laid its beautiful footsteps into my life, like a soothing wave of cold air that comes just for a minute before an hour of loneliness holds me one more time.
The peacefulness which I found through sleep is now nowhere to be found, I wouldn't have written this, but the pain is so hard that today I had a feeling that, I should just leave writing, it scared me so much that I was crying at that moment, because writing to me is like breathing without which I cannot live for a moment, its like my passions, my ambitions, are all going dead, like a termite the curse is eating me from the inside and when I extend my hands for help they is no one.
I have seen this many times, things like this specifically happens to people who care about others a lot, who bear the pain thinking others might get hurt, who cover their own tears sensing another's pain and comfort them to make them feel better.
You know I never was the person I am now, cause even though I cared, I never felt a person's pain, but my sister's death changed all that, the emotions I felt that day were so intense, that I dint knew I had them in me, I was so depressed that if a moment where I could smile came to me I couldn't, because I felt I was committing some sort of a crime, but my friends in college were a great comfort at that period who helped me to come out of my pain, but after college ended they all went separate ways including me, that's when it went from better to worse cause the memories keep coming back every single day.
I just wish this phase would pass and I would be back to normal, but I think it will just be a dream.
If only i could find someone to share this pain, if only.......... Oh how I wish that dream came true, but I know it never will, because I think the curse will always be there, will always be there....... will always be there........,
She woke up to the cold wind blowing on her face, last night she had thought of a way, as to what she was gonna do, she would have to stay in taliban itself, at least till the prime minister came, she thought of everybody she knew, and only one name came up, there was an old woman Ruksar who lived a little far to her school, farhana had helped her many times, she always asked farhana to stay at her home but she had refused, but today it was different for at least 2 days or more she wanted a home to stay, and ruksar was the only one she could rely on, her leg pain had eased but she was damn hungry, walking down the castle road she saw a shop, she went and bought breakfast, but the shopkeeper had a recognizing look in his eye, she sensed walking without a burkha would just bring trouble, she went into a dress shop and bought one and walked towards Ruksar's house.
She reached to see that she was in home, farhana told her story and Ruksar couldn't help fight back her tears, she said “God is kind farhana, he will help you”,
“yeah he is the only one who I have the most trust on, I believe he will solve all this, but still if I stay here, it will just be more trouble, but till the prime minister comes, I have to, is it ok??” said farhana. Ruksar dint reply but just extended her arms in a welcome stance, farhana ran and hugged her and wept like she had never did, it reminded her of nazneen, and she cried some more and simply like that fell asleep in her lap.
She woke up the next day, Ruksar wasn't there, farhana guessed she would have gone to bring something, she went to the bathroom and took a bath, as she got out she saw Ruksar return, after having the breakfast she got down to think how she would meet the prime minister, suddenly there was a announcement on the radio that the prime minister of India had reached Islamabad and after formal greetings with the president he would start his interaction program with the people tomorrow morning in Islamabad, farhana couldn't lose time, she thought “its 11 o clock now, if I take a train I will reach there by 9 tomorrow morning”, she thanked Ruksar for her help and hugging her one more time, she left, she reached the station and took a ticket to Islamabad, she sat back and thought how her whole life had changed in just a matter of 3 days, there was sharp pain in her heart when she thought of her parents, but she decided now she has to be strong, and held back her tears and stared into the fields beside the window, she felt tired and initially fell asleep.
She woke up to the blaring horn of the train, she looked at the watch it was 6 in the morning, it was still 3 hours till she reached Islamabad, so she began writing a letter that explained her situation to the prime minister, hours passed another horn suggested that she had reached Islamabad,
She began her journey, finding the place was not difficult cause the whole city was talking about the program, she reached the place and when she saw the Que, she was in awe, it extended like a snake with no tail, but still she joined it, the sun was up and it made her situation even worse, as she dint even have breakfast, she felt giddy and almost fainted on 2 occasions, at last at 4.30 in the evening her turn came, after the security check she went in and handed the letter, he read the letter and when he looked at her eyes, it just had truth in them, for a second he had tears, but covering those he said “i will look into this matter 1st thing tomorrow morning, until then you stay here in Islamabad itself, with the army supervision as per my command” farhana agreed and in the morning as promised he talked with the president, the president initially said its just a rumor and no army is involved, but when he showed him the letter the president was in a sense of disbelief, he ordered an inquiry and within the next evening all the officers committed to the crime were apprehended , farhana was called in to confirm they were the same and when she confirmed, criminal charges were booked against them,
Couple of days passed, farhana said about the work visa to the president, he said “There is no need, you can just stay here”,
“I don't have anyone here, but my friend lives in India, if I go there I will be all right” said farhana, “I said no means No” said the president, when farhana said this to Ankita, she took in immediate steps and with help of her dad alerted the Human Rights Authority, and along with some of her friends she built a community and took out Processions all over the streets of Delhi, Ankita even took the help of the media, she knew using the media was a like double edged sword, but as she wanted all the help she could gather, she did it too,
The campaign was getting massive coverage and was so strong that it took a rage all over the country, finally matters were taken up by Indian president and as the prime minister was in Pakistan itself, Committee was set up and orders were passed on the basis that, as the girl (farhana) dint have any criminal record against her and was also a major, she could take her own decisions, The president gave permission that, she could come and stay in India, the president of Pakistan at first dint agree but owing to further pressure, he took a decision that letting go of her would be far better than making her stay.
Truth had finally won.
The procedure took 3 weeks and after successful conviction of the guilty, she got necessary documents signed from the president of Pakistan and the prime minister of India, She looked up the sky and silently thanked god for his blessings, later her visa was cleared without any hassle and also an air ticket to Delhi was sponsored. collecting everything, she left to airport and boarded the plane, looking out of the window, there were just thoughts, the place which she called home was now no where, she had lost everything that was important to her and was going to place where, she had to find her new identity, to find a new way of life, to find a new beginning...............
There were sounds of people talking, she looked around to notice that she was in a hospital, she tried to get up but her head felt like it was being hit by hammers, when she thought back what had happened, tears welled up in her eyes, there was a bomb explosion within her house, which was so powerful that it had also completely destroyed the 2 neighboring houses, she dint have any relatives, she dint know what to do, her mind couldn't think of a single person who she could rely on. but it was not that which haunted her, it was the reason why her house was bombed? was it because of yesterday? she dint knew, the headache started to become worse, she looked beside to find some aspirins and gulped it down, couple of minutes passed and she felt better, all the thinking she had done till now had made one thing certain, that now she was on her own now, she couldn't trust anyone.
Calmly collecting herself she go up from the bed, she was in hospital clothes, those always made her nauseas, she looked around, her clothes which she wore, were beside the table, she quickly changed into them, and then went towards the door. she saw a policeman asleep and couple of army personnel just beside the door talking, she was about to step out, when she saw the officer who had slapped her, his one eye was bandaged. and it seemed like he was coming towards her room, quickly closing the door, she ran to the bed and slept like she never got up, slightly seeing from the blanket, she saw towards the door, the officer slightly opened the door to find her asleep and then woke the policeman, farhana seeing this moved towards the door and when she heard what he said, she froze for an instant, the officer was saying "i planted that bomb so that there would be no evidence, and now special force is stationed here, i cant do anything, but you can, i will distract them some time later, so seeking an opportunity in the night kill her, and when no one's around, dump her somewhere OK",
Truth hit her hard, all the pieces of the puzzle fell back in its place, it was the officer who had bombed her house, he was taking revenge on her, she started feeling nauseous again, it felt like she was thrown to a place of pain and suffering with no way out, she just had one objective now, to save her life, she checked the room and saw a window beside, she looked out to find the ground was 2 floors below, but just beside there were couple of sand bags, farhana thought " if i time my jump right, i will land safely", she stepped on the window and made the jump, but her leg got stuck on the windowpane on the way down and she landed abruptly, injuring her knee, it hurt bad when she tried to walk, it was more like limping, she walked slowly, so that no one would notice, she saw across the street to see a taxi coming towards her, she hailed it down and went towards the bank
it was 7.30 the bank would close in half an hour, she told the driver to hurry up, 10 minutes later she reached the bank, she went to the bank manager, he noticed her disoriented look, he asked " Farhana how come you are here??, and that too at this time of the night?" she figured that he hadn't heard about the explosion, "A certain urgent situation came in uncle, I want the locker key you have, I came from a friend's house, so I forgot the key in my home itself, can I have it?” she said, the manger smiled and said “ it's against the company rules, but I will give it, don't forget next time” and handed out the key, she went into the locker room, opening the locker she found what she had come for, the money kept for the vacation trip, which she was to leave two days later, tears came in again, and thoughts of what had happened crept over, she shuddered when the voice of officer came in, she also saw that her family's passports were there, she looked at all and picked her up, she closed the locker and handing over they key to the manager left the bank.
She thought of going to her friends place, but none of them came to her mind, thinking of the old castle, she started walking towards that direction, the leg still hurt but she quickened her steps, as she was walking, thoughts of ankita came to her mind, would she help her now?? seeing the situation she dint knew, but she had to contact her, as she was the only last hope in her life.
She noticed a business man with a laptop walking in front of her, she walked towards him and said "Sir can i speak with you for a minute??", the man turned around and said "see girl i am in a hurry whats it? tell me quick" farhana said "can i borrow your laptop for a couple of minutes, i have to contact a friend" he noticed her from head to toe, as her look was like a combination of beggar and thief, he hesitated, farhana noticing this said "Sir don't worry, i have a bad wound in my knee i wont run, i have been through hell today and if i don't get to contact my friend,i am just as good as dead, please sir" he hesitated again, but handed over the laptop and said " be quick with it" she thanked him and quickly connecting to the Internet, sent a email to ankita stating what had happened to her, to her good luck ankita came online just to that instant and when she read the email there was no message for a couple of seconds, farhana figured that ankita was crying she waited, a message came “Where are you now?” she said, farhana answered “On the street, I am going towards the castle, I don't know what to do ankita!!, I don't have anywhere to go, oh god I have messed it all up, I am the culprit, I killed my parents, I did............”,
“Don't say like that farha, you are not to blame, the guilty will be punished for the wrong things they have done, don't worry, my dad is the Inspector General in Delhi, he will do everything within his reach, you don't have to live there, i will make the necessary arrangements for your work visa, but it will take time, maybe a week or so, until then you have to stay there itself” said Ankita, “No don't wanna burden you” retorted farhana, “don't act stupid, what are you gonna do there, die!, thats not a option just do as I say all right” said ankita.
Farhana couldn't think, there was no one she could turn to now, things had just gotten worse but still a hope was coming, her heart said to accept, she decided that she will, a message came “What are you gonna do farha?” she said “I will see, cause here I cant think of a single person I can trust” answered farhana. ankita thought quickly, her eye suddenly fell on the newspaper, she said, “hey here is some good news, our prime minister atal bihari vajapayee is coming to Pakistan in the next day or so, and he has said he will hold peace talks with your president, but before that he will also be seen in an interaction program with the citizens of Pakistan you can take your plea there, and make him look into your situation, if that is done, I am sure he will co operate and will make the authorities let know about the scenario” a sense of relief came over farhana, yes that can be done, she thanked anikta and said goodbye, thanking the stranger she handed the laptop to the him and started walking towards the castle to plan her next move.
Here I am this is me, there is no where else on earth I rather be, I think bryan adams sang it, damn everybody is a stealer nowadays well I forgive him, I am a good person you see ;),
Bad joke eh? i know...,well here I am at last. I know I am late but I have got perfectly valid reasons for that (I hope so), more on that later, but here is some good news, yours truly has now completed his degree and is now a Bachelor in Business Management with a a staggering 67% I know its not much (blame me blame me) but mangalore university is one tough nut when it comes to giving marks to students, so if you now have any business to manage or take care of, you know who to turn to right???, well I am happy how things have turned out and I am onto following my dream, that is doing Masters in Journalism. and guess what its my 25th post so let the fire crackers begin :)
Now for the reasons why I was late, its because my very awesome name THOUSIF RAZA M.B was misspelt as THOSIF RAZA M.B in my marks cards, there was a U missing. so I took a U turn and have traveled almost 700 kms in a span of 4 days for its correction, its still in process of getting right, but it will be, so don't you guys worry ;), and the other reason was, that my (*Ahem*) editor (Read: Cousin Brother) was busy with some work of his, at last I had to do most of it, so the creative process got delayed.
And now for the best news, the creative process I said I was involved in was that I have written a story, not a big deal I know, but it is, cause it is the 1st story that I have written (completely), and also the story was born in a very unique way,
lemme tell you how, I had read probably the best short story that I have read in a long time in my friend anwesa'sblog called Unknown Horizons, the story was so good that I was inspired to write one myself, so Anwesa you were the original motivation for this story, thank you very very much for being my inspiration, without your presence this story would never have been written.
Now about the story: The story is in 5 parts which will be posted daily, so check in everyday, I know its a little big, but I promise you, it is worth your every second, so read it fully and comment on it, don't be all soft and warm hearted (be a little though ;)), cause this is the 1st time I have written a(complete) story, but be honest and point out a mistake, if you find one, cause your comments are like the steroids which will make my writing stronger, so here it comes, enjoy your feast guys
The Pain Of Satisfaction
Dedicated to my Mom and Dad
And specially to the inspiration herself
ANWESA
Acknowledgments
To Rizwan Shareef, for bearing with me for the thousands of questions I asked him and for his precise editing, Bhaiya without you, this story would never have been completed. Thank you
PART- 1
As the clock struck 6.30, Farhana ran like the wind, to grab the radio from her grandmother, her favorite program, ‘Bharatiya Bharatanatyam’ on vividh bharathi was about to begin, she grabbed the ghungroos from the wall and quickly wrapped it across her ankles, as the voice in the radio came alive, she started to dance, the whole family joined in to see her, As beautiful and graceful as she was, it was even more than that when one watched her dance, it was so mesmerizing that the person forgot everything and would find bliss just by watching her, as she danced she was lost in the pleasure and for half an hour she did not stop till the program got over, she fell to the floor, fully exhausted but smiling, she got up and her family applauded like they always did, and like every time, her grandmother nazneen had a tear in her eye, farhana stepped forward and wiped her grandma’s tears, then silently kept her head in Nazneen’s lap, looking into farhana’s eyes nazneen said,“I am proud of you farha, very proud”, farhana just closed her eyes, smiled and slipped back into memories of how it all began………
8 months back when she passed 10+2, her dad Abdul Razzak gave her a radio; it was an unusual gift because, when you are living in Pakistan, there are some rules which you just cannot break and that too in Taliban, buying entertainment things is strictly forbidden, farhana was very happy because she had been asking it for an eternity, she turned it on, and the voice she heard first was of bharatanatyam, she was immediately hooked and wanted to learn more about it, she had heard in class that the Internet can provide anything and as she could use computers quite well, she secretly started visiting her neighbor’s house, cause they had a laptop with Internet, while chatting she befriended Ankita, a professional Bharatanatyam dancer from India,.
Ankita had her own dance school which gave programs all over the world, she taught farhana everything about the dance, learning from her farhana started practicing everyday after school in her bathroom, so that no one could hear the noise, and owing to more help from Ankita, she corrected her mistakes and improved herself, no one in her home knew what she was up to, If there was a sound, she said “it’s just a mouse Ammi”, “Book Fell down Ammi”, and made a new reason every time, in the span of the time that went by, farhana started dancing so good that she could beat anyone, the day of her Birthday came, when she returned home after school there was no one, She inquired with the neighbor’s, they said, “All have gone for shopping, but have given the key”, she took the key and went home and was about to put her back pack down, when there was a knock on the door,
She opened the door, it was the postman, he had a courier, after confirming the address, farhana took it to see the sender’s address, it was from ankita. She quickly opened it and what she saw inside the box gave her the most pleasure ever, the box contained a pair of ghungroos, she tried them on and closing the bathroom door, she started to dance, it was like music coming alive, the rhythm, and the charisma was heavenly. She removed them and quickly getting fresh, patiently waited for everyone to return, an hour later everybody returned and gave her the gifts of the birthday. she received every gift gleefully and in the end said “I have surprise for you”, everyone had the surprised look in the eyes, her mom Rumana asked “what’s it farha?” she said “just wait, and watch”,
She wore the ghungroos, played the music from the laptop she had borrowed and started dancing, everyone i.e. her mom, her dad and grandmother was spell bound looking at her, no one was speaking, after finishing she thought a plethora of scolding would follow her, but to her surprise there was just the sound of applause, she fearfully asked her dad “ are you angry?” Razzak, who was serious till that moment, just looked at her and a smile broke out of his lips. he said, “what should I be angry for?” and then farhana knew, that she had achieved her goal, she was the best at what she did, even though none of them knew what type of dance it was, they found out about it all by farhana and now ankita was also like a family member, as they all started to chat with her daily. And here she was now on her grandma’s lap, Ah it all seemed like a beautiful dream, which she never wanted to get up from…….
As I sit back listening to Gavin Rossdale singing his song “Love remains the same”, it feels so good when I hear it, like its soothing my soul, and I want to believe him, that, love will remain the same, but I just can’t, you know why.., cause love doesn’t remain the same, the bitterness which comes into a relationship never fades out, your heart may skip a beat when you see the person you once loved, but it just doesn’t beat like it did, when you first saw the person whom you fell in love with, you feel sorry, not for yourself, but for the person, because the person was just not worth your love.
when she came into my life, my life blossomed into the most beautiful thing ever, which I thought was only possible in dreams, but as time went by the magic disappeared, she started ignoring me, I tried and tried to recreate the magic but to no result, I tried telling myself ‘everything will be all right’, but it seems like, it never will, the dream which I once loved to live in, has shattered into a million pieces, and every piece pierces my heart with a sharpness of a needle, and with the force of an axe, it happens every time I think about her, and just like Gavin sings in the song ‘I am done pretending’, I too am done pretending, I know I gotta move on, which I eventually will, but still, the part which loved her doesn’t want to, why?? I don’t know, I want to find out but I just can’t, I want back the things as they were, but just like a star falling out of the sky, there is just no getting back to..
God it hurts, how I wish love remained the same, maybe I should get the punishment for loving her, maybe this is the punishment, maybe I should just close this chapter of my life and move on, But,
the damn But, doesn’t go out of my life, it just stays back, telling me, it’s your fault, it’s your fault, even when I damn sure know it isn’t, the only crime I did was, I loved her more than what I should have, but is there a limit for loving someone??, that you love this much and that, No Right…and just like that, she became a part of me, its 2 in the night when i write this and not a wink of sleep is in my eye, why?? Because I love her, I hate myself for loving her, but there is just no turning back, why?? Because I love her, I just ask myself 1 Question,
Is loving someone honestly Wrong??, and the only answer I get back is Yes, Yes, Yes it is……… I gave her all the love I had and got none in return, why?? Because I loved her with all my heart in it, I did, and for the crime that I committed, I am suffering, suffering miserably, just like that I am……
They say love has the power to heal any pain, but for me, it has just become a pain which has no medicine for it, if only………, if only I could find a cure, but no I can’t, why?? Because I love her..
And just like Gavin finishes the song, by saying, everything will change, we could last forever, I want to believe him, and in a way I do, why?? Because I still love her…
