The Intelligence Concept

“Let’s go to mall…..” exclaimed my cousin Sam jumping up from the Divan he was lazing on "And do what, just browse the new products and come back empty handed!!” I replied
“Not exactly, we could buy a packet of Act 2 popcorn” he said
“That’s what we always do to save face….” I replied a little loud.

It was Sunday evening and I had nothing else to do, so just like teenagers (who are not teenagers anymore) we were watching reruns of Baywatch Hawaii. And frankly I was getting tired of the ‘only-girls no-story’ thing
I threw my glance around and found the newspaper lying beside me; I picked it up and saw an AD

The whole AD was in bright yellow with some little black words thrown in
“Why did god even make a color like yellow.. Uh…It’s above me” said EVIL M “Pun intended”.
I ignored the comment and took a closer look at the AD
It was from a clothes showroom named F square. The offer was

Sell your old clothes to us. Jeans for 400, T-shirts for 100, Shirts for 150’ conditions apply
I ignored the very very small fine print named conditions apply and thought

Hey that’s not a bad deal, I have some old jeans which I don’t wear, and a couple of very bright green T-shirts which I could give away “Don’t remind of those T shirts, they are like radium tombstones on a moonless night, why in god’s name did you even buy them?” asked EVIL M.
“Because I thought, at least that might attract girls” I replied
“They got attracted all right… to other boys” he replied laughing.
I got up from the divan to take a look into my closet and it was not a pretty sight.

Let me give you a description of my closet. I have 2 compartments where I keep my clothes, and they have everything, Besides Clothes there are socks, belts, caps, sweaters, baniyan’s and god knows what.
I mean there’s everything stuffed into those two compartments without any mercy (Don’t worry, I have separate place for my shoes ;)) When one sees it, they get the impression like each piece of garment is hugging another, just so that it doesn’t fall out of the closet.
In simple words it’s a typical guy’s closet. I searched for the old clothes and took them out. I looked at the Green T’s, one is a bearable color, when I took the other one out EVIL M said “Where are those sunglasses, Its hurting my eyes”
I looked at the Brand new Levi’s T shirt which I had worn only once, bought some 2 years back. It was good but it had 2 problems

One. It was extremely bright
Two. It was extremely short.

“Try it on once” said EVIL M. I tried it on and the T stopped just above my belly. Sam’s mobile just rang with its ringtone of the song ‘Belly Dancer’.
“Purrfect” purred EVIL M “Shake that ass now….” He laughed and sang along with the song.

I took out the shirt and then took a count of how many old clothes I had at that moment.
4 pairs of jeans and 2 shirts, I told the offer to my T.A bhabi and she searched my Bhai Riz’s closet and found a pair of jeans and a shirt, which she added to my collection.

Sam looked at me and said “Let’s be thoughtful for a minute here, we don’t know what the conditions of this offer are, you wanna take all these clothes at once?”
I was shell shocked when he said that, a guy who comes running to me wearing underwear, and exposing bellies, telling me to be ‘thoughtful’. That was like saying a blonde had won a noble prize.

But digesting that ‘thought’ I replied “Why not, we can sell these and get new ones from there itself, It would save a heck load of money, and I heard they have international brands such as Mark Taylor, Lacoste and all, It’s gonna be fun”.
“You have no idea how much….” replied EVIL M smiling a wicked smile
I knew I had to think at those thoughts of M but the offer was too good, so I went with my ‘better’ thoughts. Sam looking at the clothes bundle said “At least put those in your college bag”
“Why?” I asked
“Because it would be easy to carry, and there would be no embarrassment involved if the offer involves paying money” he replied
Point. I thought and packed all the clothes into the bag and pulled it over my shoulders, it was like pulling up a fat kid who had just eaten a hearty lunch. “Man this is heavy” I said.
“Ha ha you have no idea how heavy its gonna become” replied EVIL M smiling again

We got on a bus and reached the place, on the way I said “I also wanna buy an I-pod, so after this we will go to KT Street and get it OK”
“Yeah sure” he said

We went into the showroom, “First ask about the conditions, only then start opening your Potli (Bundle)” he had informed me while on the bus.

I browsed some T-shirts while Sam did the same, I then slowly walked to the sales guy and said “I saw the AD in the newspaper about the offer in your shop, can you tell me if there are any conditions towards it?”
“Yes sir, there is only one condition, for the amount of old clothes that you bring to us, you have to buy clothes costing 5 times more than that” he replied with a smile
“‘Service’ with a smile just got a whole new meaning” replied EVIL M “And oh yeah… pun intended, My own kinda pun of coursehe said and started laughing.

I mentally calculated the price of my old clothes. 5 jeans amounting 2000 rupees, with a 2 T’s of hundred each and a shirt of 150, roughly making up to 2500 rupees. I was shocked, so shocked that there was release of adrenaline in my body, I calculated again, so that means I have to buy clothes worth 10 thousand rupees.(Stingy guy-10thousand bucks, you do the math ;))

EVIL M started laughing again, and it was just the start. I smiled at the sales guy and tuned towards Sam. He looked at my face and knew everything in a second, as he saw the monkey like fake smile on my face.(All this time, I was carrying the heavy bag mind you)
We talked and Sam asked “You got 10 thousand bucks…….”
“Only if you sell my kidney at a discount…..” I snapped
“Let’s get out then” he replied. I started browsing the T-shirts again and then amped my voice so that the sales guy could hear me, and said to Sam “These are all the same colors I have at home, you want anything?”
He shook his head; I asked the cliqued-customer-question to the sales guy “When will the new stock arrive?”
He gave the same cliqued-sales guy-answer “After 2 days”
We saw the opportunity and slipped out slowly.

I heard a laugh, it started out slow and then filled my whole head. It was EVIL M
He was laughing so hard I thought my brain would blow out. The monstrous weight of the bag on my shoulders and his laughing made for a deadly combination, and from the corner of my eye I even saw Sam laughing.
“It’s better than your belly dancing episode” I said.
“Yeah right” he replied laughing again.
We walked some more “At least carry this bag for some time” I pleaded with Sam
“Your ‘offer’, your weight. You wouldn’t have let me touch those new clothes if you had got them, Carry it yourself” he ordered.
I said “Atleast lets go search for the I-pod”, he agreed and we went I-pod hunting and that’s where the real trouble started.

I wanted a 2 GB I-pod costing no more than 1500 bucks and I specifically wanted a branded one, in specific it was a Sony or a Transcend.(Dream boy dream you would say, But hear me out ;))

We started searching at an electronic shop junction named KT Street which was a kilometer away from F square. We searched in more than 20 shops and in every shop the price range was 1900, but my friend had got one for 1500, so I dint wanna pay more.

We searched and searched to no avail, even a dealer of transcend electronics said “If you find a 2 GB model for less than 1500, order a hundred for me will you?”. I moved out of the shop smiling an embarrassed smile.
I was carrying that bag all this time and my shoulders hurt like hell, EVIL M and Sam were laughing in unison, I thought, ‘are these guys connected through some telepathic non sense?’, more laughter.

I was cursing myself, and then I remembered something, couple of weeks earlier I had gone to a computer dealer where my friend had a brought a new computer. When I had asked the dealer for the price of a Transcend I-pod, he had said “It’s 1500”
I asked EVIL M “Now you’re telling me this….”
“What fun would it be, if I had said that to you earlier” he replied laughing

I pulled Sam and told him about the shop and we started walking, it was some 1 and half kilometers away. In the heat of the night (its summer remember) and with no water in sight, I was sweating, sweating like a pig. I begged again to Sam to carry the bag and he rejected me outright.

We walked and finally reached the place, I enquired about the I-pod and the guy said “The price has gone up”
“How much?” I said
“A hundred bucks” he replied. I agreed, he went into the supply room and when he got back he said “Sorry, No stock.

All that walking, all that carrying, all that searching leading to this I thought, EVIL M and Sam were laughing like monkeys gone wild, I slowly came out of the store and started walking towards the bus stand.
“Man I haven’t had so much fun, since the last time when that girl kicked you in the shin when you were in 5th standard” said EVIL M laughing.

I was still sweating; Sam said he would be going to a friend’s house and left me. I got on the bus and as the cold air washed through my face. I just had one thought. “Don’t ever try to be cheap, it’s gonna cost you more than you think.” And I have stopped being cheap. (No pun intended ;)) and so I have been feasting on 6 rupees cup ice cream thrice in a week now, not daily because I am not that rich ;).
And now I take a couple of minutes to seriously think whenever EVIL M says “Trust me….It will be so much fun…”.

Till next time.... Have fun guys ;)


Charu said...

Yeah, I would treat Evil M's advice with caution too.

Other than that, I'd laugh...for a long time :P

akanksha said...

What a post! I am having laughter fits!!!! :D

The Double Inverted Commas said...

ROFL ROFL ROFL!!! Great one :)

Tulika said...

LOL.!! Too good thousif.
This was such a fun read. Loved every bit of it. And you've expressed it amazingly well.


Thousif Raza said...

@ Charu: Ha ha Yeah me too :)

@ Akanksha: i am glad i was the reason for that :)

@ TDIC: Thank you thank you thank you :)

@ Tulika: you've made this comment especially special... in your own unique way... thank you :)

Arpitha Holla said...

WOW!! superb post... :)

Arpitha Holla said...
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Arpitha Holla said...
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Anonymous said...

"There ain't no such thing as a free lunch", they say. Muahahahahaaaa :D

Loved this post Thousif. Totally ROFL!!!

Psst: Next time you come across something like a yellow ad or something, consider calling up the place and inquiring about it over the phone. ;)

Thousif Raza said...

@ arpitha: Thank you so much :)

@ ChoCo: glad you liked it :), and yes the advice will be(not ;)) looked into :P

Arpit Rastogi said...

Oww Man!!!

You are involved with such awesome incidents..
believe me my friend, life is boring without being cheap n then fucked hard core.. :P

P.S. I love it when you got fucked.. ;)
um laughing my ass off!!!

Tk Cr.. :D

Thousif Raza said...

@ arpit: tu maze le saale tu bus maze le :)... maine toh story likh kar pehle hi maze le liye hain ;)....take care

Arpit Rastogi said...

@ Thousif ::

lol.. :D
Asshole.. :X

*Its rhyming* :P

QM said...

HAHAHAHA, you always end up with the most amusing blog of the day, dont' you ;DD

Thousif Raza said...

@ arpit: wish you the same to you too, i think that rhymes too :P

@ QM: thank you so much you made my day :)

HaRy!! said...

ha ha ha ha ha dude...we shud team up for some writes!..i;d do the advice with slow motion i think~!

Thousif Raza said...

@ Hary: yeah great minds should work alike ;)... welcome to my blog yaar.. hope to see more of you here :)

viddhi said...'s beautiful .... really ... the way u tell ur stories is amaizing..loved it .... and yeah whenever EVIL M says “Trust me….It will be so much fun…” just go for it .....otherwise .. your posts will loose the humour part.....

nice nice.... ! :)

Thousif Raza said...

@ viddhi: you got that rgt sister :).... take care