The Pain Of Satisfaction - Part 4

Part 4

She woke up to the cold wind blowing on her face, last night she had thought of a way, as to what she was gonna do, she would have to stay in taliban itself, at least till the prime minister came, she thought of everybody she knew, and only one name came up, there was an old woman Ruksar who lived a little far to her school, farhana had helped her many times, she always asked farhana to stay at her home but she had refused, but today it was different for at least 2 days or more she wanted a home to stay, and ruksar was the only one she could rely on, her leg pain had eased but she was damn hungry, walking down the castle road she saw a shop, she went and bought breakfast, but the shopkeeper had a recognizing look in his eye, she sensed walking without a burkha would just bring trouble, she went into a dress shop and bought one and walked towards Ruksar's house.

She reached to see that she was in home, farhana told her story and Ruksar couldn't help fight back her tears, she said “God is kind farhana, he will help you”,

“yeah he is the only one who I have the most trust on, I believe he will solve all this, but still if I stay here, it will just be more trouble, but till the prime minister comes, I have to, is it ok??” said farhana. Ruksar dint reply but just extended her arms in a welcome stance, farhana ran and hugged her and wept like she had never did, it reminded her of nazneen, and she cried some more and simply like that fell asleep in her lap.

She woke up the next day, Ruksar wasn't there, farhana guessed she would have gone to bring something, she went to the bathroom and took a bath, as she got out she saw Ruksar return, after having the breakfast she got down to think how she would meet the prime minister, suddenly there was a announcement on the radio that the prime minister of India had reached Islamabad and after formal greetings with the president he would start his interaction program with the people tomorrow morning in Islamabad, farhana couldn't lose time, she thought “its 11 o clock now, if I take a train I will reach there by 9 tomorrow morning”, she thanked Ruksar for her help and hugging her one more time, she left, she reached the station and took a ticket to Islamabad, she sat back and thought how her whole life had changed in just a matter of 3 days, there was sharp pain in her heart when she thought of her parents, but she decided now she has to be strong, and held back her tears and stared into the fields beside the window, she felt tired and initially fell asleep.

She woke up to the blaring horn of the train, she looked at the watch it was 6 in the morning, it was still 3 hours till she reached Islamabad, so she began writing a letter that explained her situation to the prime minister, hours passed another horn suggested that she had reached Islamabad,

She began her journey, finding the place was not difficult cause the whole city was talking about the program, she reached the place and when she saw the Que, she was in awe, it extended like a snake with no tail, but still she joined it, the sun was up and it made her situation even worse, as she dint even have breakfast, she felt giddy and almost fainted on 2 occasions, at last at 4.30 in the evening her turn came, after the security check she went in and handed the letter, he read the letter and when he looked at her eyes, it just had truth in them, for a second he had tears, but covering those he said “i will look into this matter 1st thing tomorrow morning, until then you stay here in Islamabad itself, with the army supervision as per my command” farhana agreed and in the morning as promised he talked with the president, the president initially said its just a rumor and no army is involved, but when he showed him the letter the president was in a sense of disbelief, he ordered an inquiry and within the next evening all the officers committed to the crime were apprehended , farhana was called in to confirm they were the same and when she confirmed, criminal charges were booked against them,

Couple of days passed, farhana said about the work visa to the president, he said “There is no need, you can just stay here”,

“I don't have anyone here, but my friend lives in India, if I go there I will be all right” said farhana, “I said no means No” said the president, when farhana said this to Ankita, she took in immediate steps and with help of her dad alerted the Human Rights Authority, and along with some of her friends she built a community and took out Processions all over the streets of Delhi, Ankita even took the help of the media, she knew using the media was a like double edged sword, but as she wanted all the help she could gather, she did it too,

The campaign was getting massive coverage and was so strong that it took a rage all over the country, finally matters were taken up by Indian president and as the prime minister was in Pakistan itself, Committee was set up and orders were passed on the basis that, as the girl (farhana) dint have any criminal record against her and was also a major, she could take her own decisions, The president gave permission that, she could come and stay in India, the president of Pakistan at first dint agree but owing to further pressure, he took a decision that letting go of her would be far better than making her stay.

Truth had finally won.

The procedure took 3 weeks and after successful conviction of the guilty, she got necessary documents signed from the president of Pakistan and the prime minister of India, She looked up the sky and silently thanked god for his blessings, later her visa was cleared without any hassle and also an air ticket to Delhi was sponsored. collecting everything, she left to airport and boarded the plane, looking out of the window, there were just thoughts, the place which she called home was now no where, she had lost everything that was important to her and was going to place where, she had to find her new identity, to find a new way of life, to find a new beginning...............

to be continued.......................

The Pain Of Satisfaction - Part 3

Part 3

There were sounds of people talking, she looked around to notice that she was in a hospital, she tried to get up but her head felt like it was being hit by hammers, when she thought back what had happened, tears welled up in her eyes, there was a bomb explosion within her house, which was so powerful that it had also completely destroyed the 2 neighboring houses, she dint have any relatives, she dint know what to do, her mind couldn't think of a single person who she could rely on. but it was not that which haunted her, it was the reason why her house was bombed? was it because of yesterday? she dint knew, the headache started to become worse, she looked beside to find some aspirins and gulped it down, couple of minutes passed and she felt better, all the thinking she had done till now had made one thing certain, that now she was on her own now, she couldn't trust anyone.

Calmly collecting herself she go up from the bed, she was in hospital clothes, those always made her nauseas, she looked around, her clothes which she wore, were beside the table, she quickly changed into them, and then went towards the door. she saw a policeman asleep and couple of army personnel just beside the door talking, she was about to step out, when she saw the officer who had slapped her, his one eye was bandaged. and it seemed like he was coming towards her room, quickly closing the door, she ran to the bed and slept like she never got up, slightly seeing from the blanket, she saw towards the door, the officer slightly opened the door to find her asleep and then woke the policeman, farhana seeing this moved towards the door and when she heard what he said, she froze for an instant, the officer was saying "i planted that bomb so that there would be no evidence, and now special force is stationed here, i cant do anything, but you can, i will distract them some time later, so seeking an opportunity in the night kill her, and when no one's around, dump her somewhere OK",

Truth hit her hard, all the pieces of the puzzle fell back in its place, it was the officer who had bombed her house, he was taking revenge on her, she started feeling nauseous again, it felt like she was thrown to a place of pain and suffering with no way out, she just had one objective now, to save her life, she checked the room and saw a window beside, she looked out to find the ground was 2 floors below, but just beside there were couple of sand bags, farhana thought " if i time my jump right, i will land safely", she stepped on the window and made the jump, but her leg got stuck on the windowpane on the way down and she landed abruptly, injuring her knee, it hurt bad when she tried to walk, it was more like limping, she walked slowly, so that no one would notice, she saw across the street to see a taxi coming towards her, she hailed it down and went towards the bank

it was 7.30 the bank would close in half an hour, she told the driver to hurry up, 10 minutes later she reached the bank, she went to the bank manager, he noticed her disoriented look, he asked " Farhana how come you are here??, and that too at this time of the night?" she figured that he hadn't heard about the explosion, "A certain urgent situation came in uncle, I want the locker key you have, I came from a friend's house, so I forgot the key in my home itself, can I have it?” she said, the manger smiled and said “ it's against the company rules, but I will give it, don't forget next time” and handed out the key, she went into the locker room, opening the locker she found what she had come for, the money kept for the vacation trip, which she was to leave two days later, tears came in again, and thoughts of what had happened crept over, she shuddered when the voice of officer came in, she also saw that her family's passports were there, she looked at all and picked her up, she closed the locker and handing over they key to the manager left the bank.

She thought of going to her friends place, but none of them came to her mind, thinking of the old castle, she started walking towards that direction, the leg still hurt but she quickened her steps, as she was walking, thoughts of ankita came to her mind, would she help her now?? seeing the situation she dint knew, but she had to contact her, as she was the only last hope in her life.

She noticed a business man with a laptop walking in front of her, she walked towards him and said "Sir can i speak with you for a minute??", the man turned around and said "see girl i am in a hurry whats it? tell me quick" farhana said "can i borrow your laptop for a couple of minutes, i have to contact a friend" he noticed her from head to toe, as her look was like a combination of beggar and thief, he hesitated, farhana noticing this said "Sir don't worry, i have a bad wound in my knee i wont run, i have been through hell today and if i don't get to contact my friend,i am just as good as dead, please sir" he hesitated again, but handed over the laptop and said " be quick with it" she thanked him and quickly connecting to the Internet, sent a email to ankita stating what had happened to her, to her good luck ankita came online just to that instant and when she read the email there was no message for a couple of seconds, farhana figured that ankita was crying she waited, a message came “Where are you now?” she said, farhana answered “On the street, I am going towards the castle, I don't know what to do ankita!!, I don't have anywhere to go, oh god I have messed it all up, I am the culprit, I killed my parents, I did............”,

“Don't say like that farha, you are not to blame, the guilty will be punished for the wrong things they have done, don't worry, my dad is the Inspector General in Delhi, he will do everything within his reach, you don't have to live there, i will make the necessary arrangements for your work visa, but it will take time, maybe a week or so, until then you have to stay there itself” said Ankita, “No don't wanna burden you” retorted farhana, “don't act stupid, what are you gonna do there, die!, thats not a option just do as I say all right” said ankita.

Farhana couldn't think, there was no one she could turn to now, things had just gotten worse but still a hope was coming, her heart said to accept, she decided that she will, a message came “What are you gonna do farha?” she said “I will see, cause here I cant think of a single person I can trust” answered farhana. ankita thought quickly, her eye suddenly fell on the newspaper, she said, “hey here is some good news, our prime minister atal bihari vajapayee is coming to Pakistan in the next day or so, and he has said he will hold peace talks with your president, but before that he will also be seen in an interaction program with the citizens of Pakistan you can take your plea there, and make him look into your situation, if that is done, I am sure he will co operate and will make the authorities let know about the scenario” a sense of relief came over farhana, yes that can be done, she thanked anikta and said goodbye, thanking the stranger she handed the laptop to the him and started walking towards the castle to plan her next move.

to be continued............

The Pain Of Satisfaction - Part 2

Part 2

Days passed and talent's day was about to come, everyone in her class were to participate and in schools of Taliban, it was either an essay you could present, a speech or a poem in the name of president, anything else was not allowed, but farhana intended to change all that, she dint tell anyone what her act was to be, even though she was a little scared, reason being her grandfather had come to Pakistan during the independence period from India. And in Pakistan, Muslims who came from India are treated as outsiders and the army always kept a tab on their doing, that was the reason why she was doing this, she wanted to bridge that gap, she thought ”after my performance I will talk about it”.

She had made ankita to send her another courier containing a banaras Saree some days earlier, she got ready for the act, when her name was called out she came and from the laptop she played the music and started her performance, some people started to protest but looking her dance everyone was mesmerized, no one present in the hall spoke, it was like they had gone to a place of pure bliss.

she was in the middle of her dance when some army personnel who had come to watch the program stopped her on stage and said” what the hell is all this??” ,“It’s Bharatanatyam” said farhana, there was moment of shock for everyone present, in outrage the head officer standing there slapped her, farhana got angry, and in return, slapped the officer, and said “you have no right to slap or even touch me, I have a right to do as I want” and turned around to walk out of there, the officer held her hand and said “don’t you dare, you bitch” and started removing her Saree, to this many people stood up in the means of protest, the startled officer let her go, the situation was getting tense, couple of youngsters came onto stage and started hitting the officers, farhana moved away and when she looked down, she knew there was going to be trouble, everyone was coming towards the stage, a riot broke out, some army stationed near the school heard the news and came in, it was getting out of hand, some of the people were seriously hurt, the officer who had hit farhana was being brutally assaulted, he turned and saw towards farhana, and when she saw his face, he had such anger in his eyes, that farhana started shivering, she couldn’t stay anymore, quickly changing her dress, she went home.

She reached home, her mom opened the door, she smiled and let farhana in, thankfully no one in her home had heard about the riot, retiring to her room, she thought about what happened today, it gave her a headache, she took a aspirin and initially slipped into sleep, she got up in the morning and quickly hurried towards the hall to find the newspaper, and when she saw the headline, she thought she would faint, it was like she was momentarily paralyzed, the head line read – GIRL STARTS RIOT: 4 PERSONS KILLED, 50 INJURED,

There were beads of perspiration on her forehead, she quickly hid the newspaper, her brain seemed like it had stopped, she sat back on the sofa took a deep breath and told to herself “farhana don’t panic, everybody in the house will know, breathe just breathe, think of something else”, thoughts of her visiting to Singapore during last year’s education program came to her mind, her head ache calmed down to a little extent.

There was sound of bell at the front door, she was startled but went towards it, she opened to find the milkman, she collected the milk and went to the kitchen, kept the milk in the fridge and ran to her room, she quickly dressed up and grabbing her handbag, she thought of going to the old castle, it was the only place where no one would be and where she could find some peace of mind and today she needed it the most, she left a note beside her parents bed table, saying she would return soon, she was about to go through the front door but thought the better of it and silently opening the back door, she stepped out and was just 10 steps away, when she heard the most disturbing sound of her life, she was thrown away towards a certain distance, she turned around to see, and when she saw her house she fainted.

to be continued.........................

The Creative Bug

Here I am this is me, there is no where else on earth I rather be, I think bryan adams sang it, damn everybody is a stealer nowadays well I forgive him, I am a good person you see ;),

Bad joke eh? i know...,well here I am at last. I know I am late but I have got perfectly valid reasons for that (I hope so), more on that later, but here is some good news, yours truly has now completed his degree and is now a Bachelor in Business Management with a a staggering 67% I know its not much (blame me blame me) but mangalore university is one tough nut when it comes to giving marks to students, so if you now have any business to manage or take care of, you know who to turn to right???, well I am happy how things have turned out and I am onto following my dream, that is doing Masters in Journalism. and guess what its my 25th post so let the fire crackers begin :)

Now for the reasons why I was late, its because my very awesome name THOUSIF RAZA M.B was misspelt as THOSIF RAZA M.B in my marks cards, there was a U missing. so I took a U turn and have traveled almost 700 kms in a span of 4 days for its correction, its still in process of getting right, but it will be, so don't you guys worry ;), and the other reason was, that my (*Ahem*) editor (Read: Cousin Brother) was busy with some work of his, at last I had to do most of it, so the creative process got delayed.

And now for the best news, the creative process I said I was involved in was that I have written a story, not a big deal I know, but it is, cause it is the 1^st story that I have written (completely), and also the story was born in a very unique way,

lemme tell you how, I had read probably the best short story that I have read in a long time in my friend anwesa's blog called Unknown Horizons, the story was so good that I was inspired to write one myself, so Anwesa you were the original motivation for this story, thank you very very much for being my inspiration, without your presence this story would never have been written.

Now about the story: The story is in 5 parts which will be posted daily, so check in everyday, I know its a little big, but I promise you, it is worth your every second, so read it fully and comment on it, don't be all soft and warm hearted (be a little though ;)), cause this is the 1^st time I have written a (complete) story, but be honest and point out a mistake, if you find one, cause your comments are like the steroids which will make my writing stronger, so here it comes, enjoy your feast guys

The Pain Of Satisfaction

Dedicated to my Mom and Dad

And specially to the inspiration herself

ANWESA

Acknowledgments

To Rizwan Shareef, for bearing with me for the thousands of questions I asked him and for his precise editing, Bhaiya without you, this story would never have been completed. Thank you

PART- 1

As the clock struck 6.30, Farhana ran like the wind, to grab the radio from her grandmother, her favorite program, ‘Bharatiya Bharatanatyam’ on vividh bharathi was about to begin, she grabbed the ghungroos from the wall and quickly wrapped it across her ankles, as the voice in the radio came alive, she started to dance, the whole family joined in to see her, As beautiful and graceful as she was, it was even more than that when one watched her dance, it was so mesmerizing that the person forgot everything and would find bliss just by watching her, as she danced she was lost in the pleasure and for half an hour she did not stop till the program got over, she fell to the floor, fully exhausted but smiling, she got up and her family applauded like they always did, and like every time, her grandmother nazneen had a tear in her eye, farhana stepped forward and wiped her grandma’s tears, then silently kept her head in Nazneen’s lap, looking into farhana’s eyes nazneen said, “I am proud of you farha, very proud”, farhana just closed her eyes, smiled and slipped back into memories of how it all began………

8 months back when she passed 10+2, her dad Abdul Razzak gave her a radio; it was an unusual gift because, when you are living in Pakistan, there are some rules which you just cannot break and that too in Taliban, buying entertainment things is strictly forbidden, farhana was very happy because she had been asking it for an eternity, she turned it on, and the voice she heard first was of bharatanatyam, she was immediately hooked and wanted to learn more about it, she had heard in class that the Internet can provide anything and as she could use computers quite well, she secretly started visiting her neighbor’s house, cause they had a laptop with Internet, while chatting she befriended Ankita, a professional Bharatanatyam dancer from India,.

Ankita had her own dance school which gave programs all over the world, she taught farhana everything about the dance, learning from her farhana started practicing everyday after school in her bathroom, so that no one could hear the noise, and owing to more help from Ankita, she corrected her mistakes and improved herself, no one in her home knew what she was up to, If there was a sound, she said “it’s just a mouse Ammi”, “Book Fell down Ammi”, and made a new reason every time, in the span of the time that went by, farhana started dancing so good that she could beat anyone, the day of her Birthday came, when she returned home after school there was no one, She inquired with the neighbor’s, they said, “All have gone for shopping, but have given the key”, she took the key and went home and was about to put her back pack down, when there was a knock on the door,

She opened the door, it was the postman, he had a courier, after confirming the address, farhana took it to see the sender’s address, it was from ankita. She quickly opened it and what she saw inside the box gave her the most pleasure ever, the box contained a pair of ghungroos, she tried them on and closing the bathroom door, she started to dance, it was like music coming alive, the rhythm, and the charisma was heavenly. She removed them and quickly getting fresh, patiently waited for everyone to return, an hour later everybody returned and gave her the gifts of the birthday. she received every gift gleefully and in the end said “I have surprise for you”, everyone had the surprised look in the eyes, her mom Rumana asked “what’s it farha?” she said “just wait, and watch”,

She wore the ghungroos, played the music from the laptop she had borrowed and started dancing, everyone i.e. her mom, her dad and grandmother was spell bound looking at her, no one was speaking, after finishing she thought a plethora of scolding would follow her, but to her surprise there was just the sound of applause, she fearfully asked her dad “ are you angry?” Razzak, who was serious till that moment, just looked at her and a smile broke out of his lips. he said, “what should I be angry for?” and then farhana knew, that she had achieved her goal, she was the best at what she did, even though none of them knew what type of dance it was, they found out about it all by farhana and now ankita was also like a family member, as they all started to chat with her daily. And here she was now on her grandma’s lap, Ah it all seemed like a beautiful dream, which she never wanted to get up from…….

to be continued...........

Good = Bad, Bad = Good / Life

Well i am drenched, exhausted, sad, angry and a lot more from my visit to mysore, my life has changed a hundred folds, from living in a small town called coorg, to the city that i live today, it has also brought a lot of changes in my life, i now wash my clothes myself,(Damn its back breaking job), i now iron my clothes myself (but most of the time its done by my BIG cousin bro ;)), i now take the responsibilities for the mistakes done by me, in short, i have grown up from a small town guy, to the next big thing in the city :D,



I also learnt a very very good thing, i think we all can relate to that, its called 'making wrong assumptions', in our life, what we assume to be good becomes bad, and what we assume bad becomes good, Life is all about learning, getting experienced, and ultimately taking decisions which would change you for the better, well I have been doing just that, and getting to know more about the beast called life :), but from a week or so my life has changed with so many twists and turns, that if it would be made into a film..., I think it would have won an Oscar, so without further delay let’s gets started with the Oscar process,


Start camera, rolling…..

ACTION…..

Scene one: When I went to make a PAN (permanent account number) card, I went to the office, there I saw a girl who was the assistant, one look at her face and I thought my work is not gonna be easy here, she seemed all snotty and like a person who is completely frustrated with her job and life, I asked her “can I have an application?”, she handed me one, and told me what all to fill out, and was the most helpful person ever, she talked so sweet and in such a calm manner, you had to hear her, it made me feel so very bad about my assumption, ohh I can’t explain, I hated myself at that instant, that’s when I got to know Bad what I thought was, actually = Good

Scene two: When I first read her blog, I thought, here’s a girl who’s got attitude like none other, and also she is the coolest girl I have seen err read about, I mean she can beat anyone in coolness(amith beware ;)), she can even make ICE jealous of her and make it melt, that’s about her coolness, when I read the blog further, I thought she doesn’t care about any other person, and just likes to live in her own world, but when she wrote a post, about her relation with a child link, you have to read those words to get to know her, She has got attitude all right, and seems strong as rock, but beneath all that she is the most caring and the sweetest person, she really cares about others, but does not let them know that she does, I made a terrible judgment call when I thought she was just another bad person, my apologies yaar ( i think you know who you are, ;))very sorry about that, that’s when I got to know, Bad what I thought was actually = Good.

INTERMISSION

(Go grab some chips, a coke and get back quick ;))

(Back already?? ok nice, lets continue)

Scene Three: After winning a war (Read: Writing Exam), I was talking with my friend (let’s call him ‘Mr Fool’) and coming back, he has been good at times, so I made an assumption he would be of a good character too, but here I got to know what he is really like, We were just talking about college stuff when I mentioned to him, “Nikhil (name changed) is very intelligent na?”, when I told him this, he got back at me saying, “What?? Him!! I hate that guy, Intelligent my foot, He is just a bluff man, what do you think thousif?”, actually I too don’t like nikhil so much, I would have told him this, but these guys (i.e nikhil and Mr fool) are like bestest frenz ever, and when he told me like that, it got me thinking, I somehow sensed, Mr fool is playing with me so that I say something bad about Nikhil and, he would say the same and make me look bad, My brain bulb lighted up and I said “No yaar he is better than me and you both, but i will let nikhil know, what you think about him!!” and put a stop to his evil idea, he sulked about not getting his prey and went home, this was the 1st time when I got to know, Good is actually = bad, :o.

CLIMAX

Scene Four:

I was returning from town, after a winning another war ;), while I saw my uncle, aunt, their kids and some of their relatives walking on road, my uncle’s kid named Sawan Kumar (Name changed :D) is crazy about me, the only reason for that is, he is not actually crazy about me, he is crazy about the computer I have, because it has all the latest games, so whenever he sees me he flings on me like a frog's tongue jumps on a fly :D, so as he saw me he got all crazy and started screaming all over the place, but when I saw my aunt she had turned her back towards me, it was as though like I was not there itself, while I was just 2 feet away from her, uncle called out and said “see, Thousif is here” she turned back and said “ooh when did you come?”, it was like she dint even knew I was there, but it got me thinking, while someone screams, you either have to be deaf or either you have to ignoring someone, she was definitely not deaf ,she was just ignoring me….

It wouldn’t have hurt me so much, but when she sees me she cares about me, but the ignoring part happens every time when her relatives come to visit her or when she sees me on road and all, what I thought was care, was actually FAKE care which she showed just for the heck of it, that’s when I got to know another time, Good is actually = Bad, : o,

Message of the film: Never make a judgment call before you know a person completely, give him/her a chance, they may be nice, but never let your guard down, they may also be evil.

THE END

So will it win an Oscar???

I already know your answer it’s BIG “NO” lol, but if you have better views about people, then enlighten me with your comments, they will be duly noted. also dont forget to state a name for the film too :P.

and for my regular readers, i know this wasnt much of my best post, but behold, cause there is a feast coming towards you in my next post, i have been indulging in something creative and will let you know about it all in my next post, so dont you miss out, cause if you do, you will lose BIG time, so start getting psyched right now :P......

take care all of you, may god bless you all with happiness to last for a life time, cya soon

Confessions/Love Dissected

As I sit back listening to Gavin Rossdale singing his song “Love remains the same”, it feels so good when I hear it, like its soothing my soul, and I want to believe him, that, love will remain the same, but I just can’t, you know why.., cause love doesn’t remain the same, the bitterness which comes into a relationship never fades out, your heart may skip a beat when you see the person you once loved, but it just doesn’t beat like it did, when you first saw the person whom you fell in love with, you feel sorry, not for yourself, but for the person, because the person was just not worth your love.

when she came into my life, my life blossomed into the most beautiful thing ever, which I thought was only possible in dreams, but as time went by the magic disappeared, she started ignoring me, I tried and tried to recreate the magic but to no result, I tried telling myself ‘everything will be all right’, but it seems like, it never will, the dream which I once loved to live in, has shattered into a million pieces, and every piece pierces my heart with a sharpness of a needle, and with the force of an axe, it happens every time I think about her, and just like Gavin sings in the song ‘I am done pretending’, I too am done pretending, I know I gotta move on, which I eventually will, but still, the part which loved her doesn’t want to, why?? I don’t know, I want to find out but I just can’t, I want back the things as they were, but just like a star falling out of the sky, there is just no getting back to..

God it hurts, how I wish love remained the same, maybe I should get the punishment for loving her, maybe this is the punishment, maybe I should just close this chapter of my life and move on, But,

the damn But, doesn’t go out of my life, it just stays back, telling me, it’s your fault, it’s your fault, even when I damn sure know it isn’t, the only crime I did was, I loved her more than what I should have, but is there a limit for loving someone??, that you love this much and that, No Right…and just like that, she became a part of me, its 2 in the night when i write this and not a wink of sleep is in my eye, why?? Because I love her, I hate myself for loving her, but there is just no turning back, why?? Because I love her, I just ask myself 1 Question,

Is loving someone honestly Wrong??, and the only answer I get back is Yes, Yes, Yes it is……… I gave her all the love I had and got none in return, why?? Because I loved her with all my heart in it, I did, and for the crime that I committed, I am suffering, suffering miserably, just like that I am……

They say love has the power to heal any pain, but for me, it has just become a pain which has no medicine for it, if only………, if only I could find a cure, but no I can’t, why?? Because I love her..

And just like Gavin finishes the song, by saying, everything will change, we could last forever, I want to believe him, and in a way I do, why?? Because I still love her…