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Confessions/Love Dissected

As I sit back listening to Gavin Rossdale singing his song “Love remains the same”, it feels so good when I hear it, like its soothing my soul, and I want to believe him, that, love will remain the same, but I just can’t, you know why.., cause love doesn’t remain the same, the bitterness which comes into a relationship never fades out, your heart may skip a beat when you see the person you once loved, but it just doesn’t beat like it did, when you first saw the person whom you fell in love with, you feel sorry, not for yourself, but for the person, because the person was just not worth your love.

when she came into my life, my life blossomed into the most beautiful thing ever, which I thought was only possible in dreams, but as time went by the magic disappeared, she started ignoring me, I tried and tried to recreate the magic but to no result, I tried telling myself ‘everything will be all right’, but it seems like, it never will, the dream which I once loved to live in, has shattered into a million pieces, and every piece pierces my heart with a sharpness of a needle, and with the force of an axe, it happens every time I think about her, and just like Gavin sings in the song ‘I am done pretending’, I too am done pretending, I know I gotta move on, which I eventually will, but still, the part which loved her doesn’t want to, why?? I don’t know, I want to find out but I just can’t, I want back the things as they were, but just like a star falling out of the sky, there is just no getting back to..

God it hurts, how I wish love remained the same, maybe I should get the punishment for loving her, maybe this is the punishment, maybe I should just close this chapter of my life and move on, But,

the damn But, doesn’t go out of my life, it just stays back, telling me, it’s your fault, it’s your fault, even when I damn sure know it isn’t, the only crime I did was, I loved her more than what I should have, but is there a limit for loving someone??, that you love this much and that, No Right…and just like that, she became a part of me, its 2 in the night when i write this and not a wink of sleep is in my eye, why?? Because I love her, I hate myself for loving her, but there is just no turning back, why?? Because I love her, I just ask myself 1 Question,

Is loving someone honestly Wrong??, and the only answer I get back is Yes, Yes, Yes it is……… I gave her all the love I had and got none in return, why?? Because I loved her with all my heart in it, I did, and for the crime that I committed, I am suffering, suffering miserably, just like that I am……

They say love has the power to heal any pain, but for me, it has just become a pain which has no medicine for it, if only………, if only I could find a cure, but no I can’t, why?? Because I love her..

And just like Gavin finishes the song, by saying, everything will change, we could last forever, I want to believe him, and in a way I do, why?? Because I still love her…

15 comments:

Choco said...

Time is the greatest healer...Just wait & see....

manjunath said...

the thoughts provoked here are excellent, felt relating to me all the time, and it's just not the story of me, i guess its the story of all the guys who sincerly love and get betrayed in the end

pawan said...

Well, you just spoke my feelings out. It happened just by chance that I happened to see my first love on a bike today while I was on the way back from college. I smiled at here but she didn't bother to look at me and really had a pain sear through my veins. God!. I hurt my heart in my very first attempt and never did try again, I settled for a "Girls are not for me" concept. Moving post mate, here is a cheerful news for you, I'm following you up right away!

Gayathri said...

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back..Do not expect love in return..just wait for it to grow in their heart..If it doesnt,be content that it grew in yours..
i know i sound like some sadist or cynic.. but then,try to be happy on her thought rather than mourn abt her absence..

Aw.S.M said...

Oye OYe Oye...no buddy of mine is going to lose himself thinking of some damn past affair..sure u might have given it ur all but trust me bro..therz a lot more in u to give to someone a lot more important...

If u r gonna let urself go thinking about all of whats been, how do u plan on finding that special someone out there...the "to be"?

Let it go bro...let it go...

btw...gavin rossdale is one awesome singer..good taste :D...

now get up and walk the walk...:)

cheers
amith

QM said...

Love makes us blind. I may be only teen but everyone, no matter what age they are experience love...let it be your best friend, some hot guy in school or a lady you happened to see at a store.
I really like this guy in my school but he never looks my way, no matter how visible I am. I keep on thinking, 'No guys would fall for me'. Hahhaa, silly I know.

Hey, don't give up. There's still hope, keep the faith - and just wait for the right time to come(:

Chriz said...

some things in life should be experienced.. and such experiences make us strong.. nicely written

Thousif Raza M.B said...

@ choco: thank you :)

@ Manjunath: true yaar

@ pawan: well pawan thax a ton for following the blog, it always brings in a smile and thx for the comment and lemme tell you, good girls are there and as amithe says we just have to find the right one, take care hope to see more of you

Thousif Raza M.B said...

@ gayathri: i know that what i have said, when you know that some person loves you more than himself and you are just like a stone, thats a just pathetic, you have to say na, just ignoring is not the key rgt? and lemme tell that was the most honest comment you gave, i adore it, dont call yourself anything again ok :), take care

@ Amith: i know there is a someone, thats why i wanna let it go, but its hard and i mean damn hard to trust someone else as much as this person, so it hurts cause time is precious tyou see ;), anyways thx for the support its much appreciated, tc

Thousif Raza M.B said...

@ Qm: thank you for the cute comment and for the awesome support, thx a lot

@ chriz: your comments are always cool and always true, i love them keep em coming, take care c ya

ANWESA said...

when you love actually,you'll have no expectations-just a sweet feeling lingering all through your life.love is never painful.

**i was on a long holiday so could not reply to your posts.

Thousif Raza M.B said...

@ answesa: i know what you mean, but still the 'but' the but doesnt go out of my life na ;)

its good to see you back, hope you had a nice time, tc

pawan said...

Btw, I have posted a new poem on my blog!
DO check!

Waiting!..

Sreeram Shenoy said...

Good post bhai! Love is to me, all about giving...should love all those whom one can...but one shouldnt expect to be loved back by all! Learnt it the hard way, but learnt it all right! :)

Thousif Raza M.B said...

@ shreeram: oji i know but kya karen, we all are huimans and we expect what to do, good to see that you read the other posts too, thank you yaar, hope to see more of you soon take care c ya