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A Little Consience Clearing Session

I wore my first “Armani” T-shirt when I was in my 8th standard, and everyone was totally impressed seeing me in school, I took in the moment though I never told them that it was fake :P and it had just cost me 80 bucks at that time :P

Well life is sometimes like that isn't it?, when you get praise for something that you don't deserve, you stealthily take it, As much as you conscience tells you to tell the truth, your tongue just doesn't let it. An age old favorite “Quote” of my friend comes to my mind “Free ka maal babuji ka maal”.


I have passed with the exact situation a couple of times, where I have took in praise for free, without actually deserving it, I wanted to tell them that its not true and sometimes have even told them, but they are so adamant that they wont believe me, it makes me feel guilty that I am stealing something that is not my own. And it hurts, not much, but just a little, like a thorn stuck in your finger, the pain is not much but still its nags you real bad, and till that thorn is out of your hand you are not at peace.


Well as the name of the post suggests I am here for a lil conscience cleaning session, well the secrets that I am about to let out may seem down right silly, I can already see your answer after reading the post saying “Dude thats not even a secret, you are just being silly”, well maybe I am, but I somehow today I felt that I should clear out a couple of secrets, so here goes......


The one thing that has always nagged me and still sometimes does is that, when my family thinks I am a Big Computer geek, they think I am the Mahamahim of computers or something like that, and always praise me and say “Thousif, Ah he is a wizard with computers” and when I promptly say that I am nothing of sorts and that I just know the basics, they don't believe me itself and say “Oh Thousi stop being so modest, you know you are too good at it”, if only they knew the truth that I couldn't even pass my basic C programming practical exams (That computer language went straight over my head, rather going into it :P), I was like the least scoring student in computers, and when I tried saying I am more interested in writing i.e Novel writing and short stories, they were like “That doesn't have a definite future where as this does Thousif, so concentrate upon this”.


When I flunked in my science Exams in my 10+2 which included failing in Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics (You must be wondering how I passed my degree right? :P) but miraculously I had passed in my Computer science subject, and that made their belief more strong that indeed I was a “Wizard”





My god they told me every time when they caught hold of me, that “You should join Jet king”, “you should join IIHT, it will make a future to you”, as much I tried to convince them they were adamant, but due to my so called satyagraha's I finally made them realize that I was more into writing than the computer world, so they let me pursue my dream, but still the belief remains that I am “Computer Wizard”, and I just take in the praise with out actually deserving it.


Another was when they said “He cares about you, But talks a lil less thats it”, truth was I never really cared, the reason for that was, my so called relatives were only interested in gossip, ughh I hate that word itself, even when I wanted to to tell them I am not interested, my cousin sisters were like, “listen to this, that girl in my class is a total bitch blah blah blah, that guy is so hot blah blah blah” and I had to pretend that I cared because they would literally tie me to chair and make me listen, oh the torture, when I tried to say I just don't give a damn, they would get all teary eyed and would say “You don't care about us na” and as I hate tears I was forced to so “I was just kidding ya” with a fake smile of course and they would say “How sweet of you, you really care about us na” and I was like..... you can guess right..... :P




Well even till today the “whiz” and the “you care about me(Read:Gossip)” comment goes on and I just take the “praise”, I don't know how much more I can take it, and I cant even open my mouth also, because if I do they will get hurt, damn that thorn hurts, hmm lets see when I will find a nail cutter to pick it out.


Wanna help me out on this?, or blast me with your comments, you are most welcome :)


P.S: If you think this post resembles choco's writing, i am missing her posts so that might be it ;)


Till next time this is the “Whiz kid” signing out. Peace. :)

18 comments:

akanksha said...

Lots of confessions out there! Hope u're feeling better now..:)

I know, this happens to everyone, at some point of time...Just don't bother yourself and chill, my dear.Because, it is no more hidden, through ur post, the world knows the truth now!

Tk care.

Thousif Raza said...

@ akansha: yeah, thats why it was conscience clearing session remember, and its good to see you back ya :), take care cya

QM said...

I fail in my physics & maths too and I have to endure it for another year.

But the truth is it happens to everyone. Sometimes the truth hurts but honesty is the best policy. It's hard to face the truth but at the end, you'll know whose your true friends that truly knows you.

Don't pressure yourself though. You confessed it in your blog but I still don't think you're bad in any way. We are all humans, life's a roller coaster(:

Thousif Raza said...

@ QM: same pinch :P, yeah i dint mean i was bad, but thx for clearing the confusion :P, take care

Vyazz said...

Its quite commendable that you decided to confess ur what you feel outright. Believe me, thats not everybody's sup of tea.
Truth be told, a lot of people(read me) spend their lives feeling guilty for silly things.
Believe me its not worth it. Just get up each day, feeling like ur worth a million dollars. Coz ur probably worth more. Dont let the world pin u down!!!
Glad u decided to write.
Blogging is so therapeutic no??

ANWESA said...

quite a few confessions out there..

reminded me of my guilts too....

manjiT said...

wonder if we could get our conscience cleared with a detergent or something.... till tat invention comes, blogs help our mind desensitize of the aching conscience.
good writeup! cheers!

R S V said...

"and I took the one less traveled by"..
you took an intelligent decision dude...
best of luck and God bless...

Butterfly Thoughts said...

hey the confessions were innocent and cute ones. I mean ya it was silly too:-P but ok good things start by taking small steps. nice start.hope you are feeling light.

Thousif Raza said...

@ vyazz: yeah man, blogging has helped me heal so much, that now i dont feel depressed at all, and thx for the advice ya, i will follow it.

@ anwesa: hmmm, and when i can know those? ;)

@ manjit: thx for the appreciation mate, yeah if you find that dteregent temme too, cause i will be first in the line to buy it ;)

Thousif Raza said...

@ R S V: thx yaar, wish the same to you, take care

@ butterfly thoughts: i know they were silly all rgt :P, and yes i feel light very light, just like monaco :P, take care

Harshita said...

I know it happens to all of us at some point... sometimes ppl wud just nt listen... :)

So, live with it, till it lasts... :)

I understand sometimes its really hard to tell the truth...

Thousif Raza said...

@ harshita: hey yaar its good to c u back, and you resonated the exact words i wanted to say..... thx and take care

Choco said...

Oh Thousif...You mentioned me! That was so sweet... :')

Yes...you did write different in this post and yes you were candid! And look. You have made me come and comment again...
Tc and God Bless :)

Thousif Raza said...

@ choco: its great to cu back ya, hmm hope too see you back soon :)

AB HOME Interiors said...

Sorry to hear about the flooding:(. We have had major flooding in the states this year...maybe the apocalypse really is happening! Sorry for my absence as well! I have been really really busy and blogging has taken a backseat to my biggest priority...making money! Talk soon!

Thousif Raza said...

@ AB home interiors: well the floods have occurred from time to time but this time its much worse, cant say maybe apocalypse may come, who knows....

and no worries whenever you find time come by i will be happy to see your comment, and you tooo blog more often, its good to u blog too.. take care

Chandan said...

knowing the computer hardware is diff n knowing software prograaming is so different sweetie... but yes, you had not relaised it and you did not explain this real reason to all who told u r whizkid... they are true when they said it, you mistook it thats all...

over all, confessions are good, good for u n ur friends n readers

amen ( i m no christian, not a all-religion-hating-hindu-male-who-likes-other-males thats all)