Well life is sometimes like that isn't it?, when you get praise for something that you don't deserve, you stealthily take it, As much as you conscience tells you to tell the truth, your tongue just doesn't let it. An age old favorite “Quote” of my friend comes to my mind “Free ka maal babuji ka maal”.
I have passed with the exact situation a couple of times, where I have took in praise for free, without actually deserving it, I wanted to tell them that its not true and sometimes have even told them, but they are so adamant that they wont believe me, it makes me feel guilty that I am stealing something that is not my own. And it hurts, not much, but just a little, like a thorn stuck in your finger, the pain is not much but still its nags you real bad, and till that thorn is out of your hand you are not at peace.
Well as the name of the post suggests I am here for a lil conscience cleaning session, well the secrets that I am about to let out may seem down right silly, I can already see your answer after reading the post saying “Dude thats not even a secret, you are just being silly”, well maybe I am, but I somehow today I felt that I should clear out a couple of secrets, so here goes......
The one thing that has always nagged me and still sometimes does is that, when my family thinks I am a Big Computer geek, they think I am the Mahamahim of computers or something like that, and always praise me and say “Thousif, Ah he is a wizard with computers” and when I promptly say that I am nothing of sorts and that I just know the basics, they don't believe me itself and say “Oh Thousi stop being so modest, you know you are too good at it”, if only they knew the truth that I couldn't even pass my basic C programming practical exams (That computer language went straight over my head, rather going into it :P), I was like the least scoring student in computers, and when I tried saying I am more interested in writing i.e Novel writing and short stories, they were like “That doesn't have a definite future where as this does Thousif, so concentrate upon this”.
When I flunked in my science Exams in my 10+2 which included failing in Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics (You must be wondering how I passed my degree right? :P) but miraculously I had passed in my Computer science subject, and that made their belief more strong that indeed I was a “Wizard”
My god they told me every time when they caught hold of me, that “You should join Jet king”, “you should join IIHT, it will make a future to you”, as much I tried to convince them they were adamant, but due to my so called satyagraha's I finally made them realize that I was more into writing than the computer world, so they let me pursue my dream, but still the belief remains that I am “Computer Wizard”, and I just take in the praise with out actually deserving it.
Another was when they said “He cares about you, But talks a lil less thats it”, truth was I never really cared, the reason for that was, my so called relatives were only interested in gossip, ughh I hate that word itself, even when I wanted to to tell them I am not interested, my cousin sisters were like, “listen to this, that girl in my class is a total bitch blah blah blah, that guy is so hot blah blah blah” and I had to pretend that I cared because they would literally tie me to chair and make me listen, oh the torture, when I tried to say I just don't give a damn, they would get all teary eyed and would say “You don't care about us na” and as I hate tears I was forced to so “I was just kidding ya” with a fake smile of course and they would say “How sweet of you, you really care about us na” and I was like..... you can guess right..... :P
Well even till today the “whiz” and the “you care about me(Read:Gossip)” comment goes on and I just take the “praise”, I don't know how much more I can take it, and I cant even open my mouth also, because if I do they will get hurt, damn that thorn hurts, hmm lets see when I will find a nail cutter to pick it out.
Wanna help me out on this?, or blast me with your comments, you are most welcome :)
P.S: If you think this post resembles choco's writing, i am missing her posts so that might be it ;)
Till next time this is the “Whiz kid” signing out. Peace. :)