The truth

One of the values kids are taught at a young age is to tell the truth. The same was with my family. My mom was very strict about me and my sister telling truth. She used to say, “No matter what you have done, always tell the truth. It is much easier and it’s always, always the better option.”

In my childhood I was naughty kid. I used to get into trouble every day. As I started growing up, it continued, but the naughty turned into something else when I saw kids at my school wear new clothes, buy new things.

Every time I used to see my friend buy new things I wanted it. It wasn’t like I was obsessed about it, but I wanted it. What I dint know at that time is that there was one thing that would grow into an obsession.

It was the year 2000 and computer games had just made its way into my small hometown of Coorg, Madikeri. Everybody was playing. Kids, adults, you name it they were playing it. I so, so, so wanted to play them as everyone in our school was describing how amazing it was.

I had just passed out my junior high and entered my high school. My dad had given me 20 bucks on passing the exams. I took the money and ran to the cyber café to play the games with my friends.

I dint know squat about computer games. My friends cheated and played with my money for 2 hours, leaving me bitterly angry and unsatisfied. I said to myself, ‘I will play games all by myself without anybody’s help’, and that’s what I exactly did. The feeling I used to get when I played the games was amazing. Just like the feeling I used to get when i drank juice made from Kissan squashes; 100% real and amazing.

I was addicted and spent all the money I had on the computer games. Times were not as expensive as it is now. I used to get 5 bucks every week as pocket money, lesser sometimes. As we had our own shop, every time I used to ask my dad for more money, he used to say “When you have everything here, what do you need money for? If you want something I will buy it for you.”

I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to play computer games and that was it. My dad wasn’t so rich that he’d buy me a computer, so I thought of a plan. Every time I was home after school my dad used to make me sit in the shop and go for a coffee break for 10 minutes. I hated sitting at the shop, but I did it anyway because I wanted my dad to rest.

One day as I was sitting, minding the shop, my eyes fell on the cash register. I saw the money my dad had made the whole day. There were a couple of 20’s, 50’s and a lot of 10’s. I saw how my friends looked at me when I played the games. I was good, not just good, I was goooood. We competed in car races and I always own. I wanted to maintain that winning streak and so I took two 10 rupee notes from the register.

As soon as I had the money in my hand I started panicking. I thought, ‘Will I get caught?’, ‘What if dad comes to know about the missing money?’, ‘What would happen if I get caught?’ A hundred questions crossed my mind. I was sweating and put the money back. I saw my dad come in. He saw me, smiled and said to go play outside. I went.

The thought never left me. My mind said ‘You could have just taken the money and left, dad wouldn’t know!’ I said to myself ‘No I can’t do it. It would be stealing and then if he asks me, I’d have to lie. I don’t wanna do that.’ There was no voice for some time, but as the evening progressed the thought never left my mind.

I met my friends next week and as I hadn’t played the games for a week, I was sloppy. I lost all games and I was angry at myself. I said to myself “Enough is enough, I am a winner and that’s what I will be.”

I went to my dad and said “I want money to play computer games!”

He said “You play a lot of games thousif; no you can’t have more money. Your grades will go down, sit and study rather than playing games".

I was pissed. I was so pissed that I when my dad went for his break that day, I took two 20 rupees notes without a guilty conscience. I went and played games without a worry in the world.

My dad didn’t suspect a thing, so I started taking money every day. What started with 40 bucks soon grew 50, 60 and more. Whatever I dint spend on the computer games I used to save up.

After 3 years I had collected a lot of money. Yes, 3 years; 3 freaking years. I would have continued if it wasn’t for my sister.

One of the saddest things in my life was my sister’s death. That event led to everyone in our house become zombies for weeks. I used to fight with my sister a lot and when she passed away I blamed myself for not asking sorry. Remembering her I used to cry on my mother’s shoulder and howl with pain, asking my sister to forgive me. It was normal childhood fights, but the pain of not getting to ask sorry was real and hurt every day.

As I was crying one day, I remembered what I had been doing for the past 3 years. I felt ashamed and I wanted to say it to my parents. But my ego dint let me. I was very afraid thinking what my dad would say, but the guilt was eating me out. I stopped taking the money, but I had the money I had saved. I may have had like 10,000 bucks with me. I wanted to put it all back, but my dad would ask ‘Where did all the money come from?’ and I would have no answer.

I wanted to say the truth and now I couldn’t. I was in agony. I felt like I was on fire, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

One day I fought with my mom. It was a bitter fight. She was crying and I was still angry. Suddenly I saw the picture of my sister on the table and I felt pain. I thought how I used to fight with her and now I had done the same with my mother. An inner voice told me ‘See thousif, you can’t ask sorry for the bad times you had with your sister, but you can set things right by asking sorry with your mother and telling her the truth’

I remembered what my mom used to say ‘Say the truth, no matter what.’ I went to where my mom was silently sobbing. I saw her, went near her, held her hand and let her to my bedroom. I sat down and said “I am really sorry mom” She stopped crying and saw me. I said how sorry I was for being such an arrogant child, and that I was sorry for all the bad things I had done in my life. She said that I wasn’t a bad kid, only a little stubborn sometimes but that was ok. I dint listen to her. I had taken a decision and I would abide to it.

I started talking about my sister and said how sorry I was for fighting with her and how sorry I was for fighting with my mom. I started crying, i was hysterical, like I couldn’t stop myself. It was 10 in the night and listening to my crying my dad silently came from the shop and stood near the door. I started crying, asking sorry and cried some more. My dad came near me and seeing him I just broke down. I wanted to confess and finally I thought it was now or never and I did it.

I said how I had started taking money and how I spent it on computer games and how I had saved some of it. I took a long time to confess and when I had finally finished my dad said only one thing “I knew.”

I looked at him and he hugged me and said “I knew about it, but I wanted you to stop it by yourself.” “You took a long time to stop, saved up a lot of money, but you did it.” he said smiling. I blurted out a laugh and looked at my mom. She came forward and hugged me and said smilingly “I knew too” I looked at her and tears flowed again. “Don’t cry” she said “I know you lied to us, but you taking initiating and confessing you did something wrong and admitting it is a huge thing.” I heard her say this and cried some more.

“Stop crying my child” my mother said hugging me tighter “You took a big step and see now we know you will never do it” she added.

I looked into her eyes and knew that I had cleansed my sins through the tears I cried. My parents rather than being angry were happy that I had realised my mistake. Both my parents got up from my bed and my dad took my chin into his hands and said smilingly “If you ever need money just ask thousif, everything me and your mother earn is for you itself. It always has been.”

That moment was real for me. More real than anything I had experienced in my life, ever. I learnt that whatever happens in life my parents will always be there for me. It made me feel so good to tell the truth. It made me and my parents grow stronger as a family and since then I haven’t taken a single rupee without asking.

That day I learnt that truth no matter how hurtful it is, is always a beautiful thing to say. I learnt that the real thing to have is a family that trusts you, no matter what you have done. It made me feel that saying the truth will always be better than telling lies. It’s your family that counts, the trust they have in you that counts. Lie never mattered and never will. I had their trust and from that day till now I have honoured that trust, always will.

This post has been written for 'The Kissan 100% Real Blogger Contest' on Indiblogger.in.

The Tag Monster

Hey guys, 2 weeks later, and the dude is back… hope you liked my story on the other blog (I just saw 3 comments though) anyways…… that’s for another day…. This week there will be no blabbering about how the week went by. I will just be talking about your favorite topic. ME ;)

Remya tagged me, and it’s been a year almost(9 months is a year rgt? :P) since I took a tag. And I kinda like the challenge this tag posed, so I took it up. Have fun

50 random things about me.

1: I am the sweetest (my mom and dad and my girl will vouch for that :))
2: I am an awesome bathroom singer (My brothers will vouch for that :))
3: Music is the one thing I am most addicted to.
4: If I have a headache, I listen to some heavy metal songs and it goes away. :)
5: I don’t drink any beverages, Tea, coffee, milk, beer, bournvita, horlicks. No nothing
6: If I drink tea I get a headache :P
7: I wanna learn Spanish. So that I can brag about it, and also because it’s so sexy
8: I hate travelling. But if it’s a train ride. Then yeehaw baby :)
9: I am very caring. If I trust you I would be ready even to give my life. But don’t ask for any money today, cause I’m broke ;) (And that’s the only answer you will get every time you ask me ;))
10: I am the best air drummer and air guitarist in the world.
11: I hate it when someone ignores me
12: I am scared of cockroaches :P
13: I love long hair.
14: I love to think about stories I am gonna write (There are currently 26 finding its way for an ending)
15: I love learning about new things(Correction: Exciting new things), talk about politics and law, and I would be like “English dude….”
16: I am allergic to shrimps. If I eat them the only place you gonna find me is the kitchen sink ;)
17: I like watching tamil movies, because they have slow motion(sky flying) fight sequences (Who needs star wars :P)
18: I love to take long walks.
19: I am very stingy :P
20: I have a thing for strange music band names.Bullet for my valentine, Zebrahead, Theory of a deadman, Cobra starship, Wolfmother. If it’s strange, it’s on my playlist :)
21: I love taking photographs.
22: I like being called an idiot (Maybe it’s the 3 idiots effect ;))
23: My mind is like a huge think tank. (It’s not larger in size though :P) Right now there are more than 220 thoughts going on in mind.
24: I am live in the moment kinda person. If you take me to a bridge and say jump, I would say You first ;)
25: I am very very lazy.
26: I hate to take baths.
27: I donno how to ride a bike :P
26: I keep a constant tab about fashion happenings.
28: I am addicted to reading blogs.
29: There are many persons in the blog world who I genuinely care about (No names though, I don’t want a fight ;))
30: I love listening to sad songs.
31: Poetry flows out of me if I am very emotional.
32: I don’t write stuff just for the heck of it. I feel whatever I write.
33: I wanna make a career in advertising.
34: I love making someone angry and then consoling them :)
35: If I make a mistake I am ready to accept.
36: My life is like a FM station, I associate every moment of my life with a song :)
37: I am the typical guy, who likes music, games, girls and all that stuff except one exception. I like watching desperate housewives :P
38: I hate myself because I am very caring, because of which I end up getting hurt every time.
39: If I see a music video or film which is crap. I think of my own ways by which I can make it awesome.
40. I doze off every time I enter my classroom. Sometimes so much that I fall down from my seat :P
41: I have a deep dark secret. Which I cannot share with anyone.
42: If I find some noteworthy quality in someone. I praise and appreciate him/her. Even though the person is my sworn enemy.
43: If I see a guy wearing purple Shirt/T-shirt. I think he is gay :P
44: If you wanna make me happy, just get me a pizza with some cheese cake and baskin robbins ice cream, and you will get the biggest smile you will ever see in your whole life.
45: I am a (junk) foodie (I guess you already knew that ;))
46: I competed in fancy dress competitions when I was a kid, and won every time. When I asked a reason my mom always said “It’s your face baby” :P
47: I love talking long hours on the phone.
48: I am feeling proud (I have absolutely no reason why :P)
49: I am my favorite ;)
50: I am awesome :P

Hope this torture was a worthy one for you…...

Thank you all for bearing with me. See ya next time for some more fun and frolic (EVIL M fun that is ;))

Take care have an awesome week ahead :).

Vieled Xpressionz

Today while i was returning in bus to my home, I saw something, it was so special, it was so beautiful, it was so unique, that for once I thought I had imagined it, I suddenly pinched myself, thats when I believed that it was for real.... lemme tell you what it was.......

It was a laugh of a woman.....

Looking at her laugh suggested that she dint care for the world or for the people around her, she just seemed to live, without the rules or the obligations to bind her, she seemed so happy and carefree, that I was just stunned looking at the beauty of that moment, no rules to hold her back, nothing to stop her, it was so special that words fail me to describe the moment.

But suddenly she stopped, and was looking from side to side, she pulled her veil on her head and sat back like she saw retracting in a shell, like she was thinking what others would think, like unseeing hands were telling her to stop, like unsounding voice giving her a warning, she seemed to abide by the “rules”, the “rules” of the “society”, which say that women should be within a limit, the limit which says she cannot express herself, which says, she is bound by the four walls inside the house, which says, she is a woman.

I was very very frustrated at that moment, thousands of questions played in my head, why I mean why has the world said that women should abide by “rules” made by the “society”. I mean who the fuc* made these so called rules?, why cant a women live as per her will?, when the constitution has given right for man and women alike. Why has the society differentiated saying, man is superior and women inferior?

You had to look the fear in the poor lady's eyes, like she had committed some sort of crime, it was so shameful, I felt so much pain at that moment, when I thought that this is what my mother, my bhabi's, my friends, have to go through everyday, they have to abide by the “rules”, which say you are not free... you are a some what lower species than “men”, which say that you are a Women.

I just cant believe what the world has come to, where a person cant even express oneself???. I mean why cant the world be a place where we just don't give rights but actually feel from our hearts that man and women are one, if you look at it a women does more work than a man in a day, whereas a man comes homes from work and cribs for a work not done, he gets furious for not making him a cup of coffee? And says “what the hell were you doing the whole day?”.

I just wanna say get into the shoes of a women for a day you lousy man and you will know what she does....but sadly no matter what, how much ever the “society” moves forward it will be the freaking same, it will still say women should be in a limit, that they are slaves and always should be. Thats what I hate, I hate this male dominated society, where a women has to live in fear every day.

A change is needed, where a man and women will be one, where the “society” wont be there to tell what a women should do and what shouldn't be done, where she will live whole heartedly and not just because she has to live by the “rules”, but where she can laugh when she wants to and cry when she want. But......

But, I think this cruel “society” will never abide by that, by either taunting or by restricting it will always hold her back, and even if she breaks free, it will force its so called rules and hold back this free spirit called women, because it knows, it knows that a women is far more stronger and far more powerful than a man.

Its only time till every women understands this and stands up for herself, and when that day comes, men will fear, they will fear just like that women feared to laugh, they too will be bound by the unseeing hands and unsounding voice. I just hope that day comes, and I pray with god that let it come soon so that everyone learns a lesson which they are supposed to learn.......

A Little Consience Clearing Session

I wore my first “Armani” T-shirt when I was in my 8^th standard, and everyone was totally impressed seeing me in school, I took in the moment though I never told them that it was fake :P and it had just cost me 80 bucks at that time :P

Well life is sometimes like that isn't it?, when you get praise for something that you don't deserve, you stealthily take it, As much as you conscience tells you to tell the truth, your tongue just doesn't let it. An age old favorite “Quote” of my friend comes to my mind “Free ka maal babuji ka maal”.

I have passed with the exact situation a couple of times, where I have took in praise for free, without actually deserving it, I wanted to tell them that its not true and sometimes have even told them, but they are so adamant that they wont believe me, it makes me feel guilty that I am stealing something that is not my own. And it hurts, not much, but just a little, like a thorn stuck in your finger, the pain is not much but still its nags you real bad, and till that thorn is out of your hand you are not at peace.

Well as the name of the post suggests I am here for a lil conscience cleaning session, well the secrets that I am about to let out may seem down right silly, I can already see your answer after reading the post saying “Dude thats not even a secret, you are just being silly”, well maybe I am, but I somehow today I felt that I should clear out a couple of secrets, so here goes......

The one thing that has always nagged me and still sometimes does is that, when my family thinks I am a Big Computer geek, they think I am the Mahamahim of computers or something like that, and always praise me and say “Thousif, Ah he is a wizard with computers” and when I promptly say that I am nothing of sorts and that I just know the basics, they don't believe me itself and say “Oh Thousi stop being so modest, you know you are too good at it”, if only they knew the truth that I couldn't even pass my basic C programming practical exams (That computer language went straight over my head, rather going into it :P), I was like the least scoring student in computers, and when I tried saying I am more interested in writing i.e Novel writing and short stories, they were like “That doesn't have a definite future where as this does Thousif, so concentrate upon this”.

When I flunked in my science Exams in my 10+2 which included failing in Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics (You must be wondering how I passed my degree right? :P) but miraculously I had passed in my Computer science subject, and that made their belief more strong that indeed I was a “Wizard”

My god they told me every time when they caught hold of me, that “You should join Jet king”, “you should join IIHT, it will make a future to you”, as much I tried to convince them they were adamant, but due to my so called satyagraha's I finally made them realize that I was more into writing than the computer world, so they let me pursue my dream, but still the belief remains that I am “Computer Wizard”, and I just take in the praise with out actually deserving it.

Another was when they said “He cares about you, But talks a lil less thats it”, truth was I never really cared, the reason for that was, my so called relatives were only interested in gossip, ughh I hate that word itself, even when I wanted to to tell them I am not interested, my cousin sisters were like, “listen to this, that girl in my class is a total bitch blah blah blah, that guy is so hot blah blah blah” and I had to pretend that I cared because they would literally tie me to chair and make me listen, oh the torture, when I tried to say I just don't give a damn, they would get all teary eyed and would say “You don't care about us na” and as I hate tears I was forced to so “I was just kidding ya” with a fake smile of course and they would say “How sweet of you, you really care about us na” and I was like..... you can guess right..... :P

Well even till today the “whiz” and the “you care about me(Read:Gossip)” comment goes on and I just take the “praise”, I don't know how much more I can take it, and I cant even open my mouth also, because if I do they will get hurt, damn that thorn hurts, hmm lets see when I will find a nail cutter to pick it out.

Wanna help me out on this?, or blast me with your comments, you are most welcome :)

P.S: If you think this post resembles choco's writing, i am missing her posts so that might be it ;)

Till next time this is the “Whiz kid” signing out. Peace. :)